It is said that we Filipino's celebrate the longest Christmas season. It starts on the first day of September and ends on the Feast of the Three Kings come first week of January.
On the first day of the Ber-Months, we see shopping malls transition from that big back to school sale to a total winter wonderland of Santa Claus and it's Elves. Public places will be filled with the festive Christmas colours. That old timeless "Jose Mari Chan" meme will pop up like mushrooms on your social media feeds and everywhere you go, you'll surely get an LSS (last song syndrome) of that joyous Christmas Carols.
Growing up, I have always been excited everytime the ber-season starts. I'll be dreaming about what presents will I be getting this year, or whose group of kids should I join forces with once the house to house caroling starts. And oh, the aunts and uncles who will be going home for the holidays - wondering if they have spare chocolates for us.
But the highlight of our Ber-Season is the day right after All-Souls. That's the time when my Mother will take the old Christmas Tree from it's hiding place and let us help decorate the house with the christmas balls, lights and garlands we had for ages, mas matanda pa nga ata sakin yung iba.
Placing the star on top of the tree once all is set was one of the core memories I have from my childhood. Yun na ata isa sa mga accomplishment ko nung bata pa - ang taga lagay ng star sa Christmas Tree, ang babaw pero ang saya.
But now that I have already left home and have been working in the city for almost 5 years, it seems that I have slowly lost that spark I once had with the ber-months. Hinde na siya kagaya ng dati.
The once colorful christmas bulb was replaced with the busy city lights, the nightly carols were replaced with emails and angry phone calls from clients.
Have you ever had that feeling when you tend to forget what today's date is? Working in the graveyard shift, day in - day out just made me feel that the only thing I know now is Monday to Friday.
I know it's the weekdays cause those are the days where my alarm rings. You get up, mend the house, cook food, sip a coffee, work, sleep, repeat and let me insert Mom/Dad-duties in between. (I'm a Single Mom of 3). Then here comes Saturday and Sunday - that moment when the alarm won't ring and alas, I'll be able to reclaim the deprived hours of sleep from the weekdays.
I often forget about the dates. Now, it's mostly the days that I remember.
That excitement I once had at the start of September when I was a child was replaced with pressure and anxiety.
I'm not sure if this is just me or I think all of us go through quarter life crisis one way or another. Maybe some are just good at carrying it or maybe others are just lucky enough not to have the burden of what a typical Panganay Breadwinner has. A cycle of kids being their parent's sole investment and that need to repay what they think they owe when the time comes.
A product of the typical Filipino Family cycle, a generation striving to meet the expectations of their parents and that of the world. Barely surviving while making ends meet. Now tell me, which ber-season spirit wont go dim when faced with the reality check we didn't know of back as a kid.
Don't get me wrong - I love the holiday season however I think our generation may have lost the meaning of what the ber-season previously had for us. It's seems like it's meaning is now more subjective.
At 29 years old, on the first day of September my first reaction was, where did time go? It felt just like yesterday when the New Year has started and in just a blink of an eye it's already the ber-season. Ang bilis! wait, pwede time freeze? di pa ako ready.
What happened to the last eight months?
I tried to take a moment to re-evaluate myself. What have I achieved so far? Was I able to accomplish the things I said I would do at the start of the year? Was it enough or did I just run out of time?
But I needed to cut myself some slack. Anyway, I still have three more months before the year ends. Di pa naman siguro huli, Maybe I can still turn it around?
Pero paano? When you're stuck with the 9-5. So many things to do, with so little time. And Christmas Day, oh yes - Christmas. Kelan nga ulit mag-uumpisa ang 100 days countdown? Asan na yung wishlist na binigay ng mga anak ko from last year? Paano naman yung para sa mga ina-anak? Ilan na nga ulit sila? Yung mga pamangkin pa nga pala. Anak ni Tito at Tita na kapitbahay pa namin. Alam mo naman, di maiwasan ikaw ang maging topic sa reunion lalo na kung uuwi kang wala man lang dala.
"Diba sa syudad ka nagtratrabaho at nakatira? Hot shot kana siguro".
Haay, kung alam niyo lang.
Oh, the never ending expectations, only if they knew what's really going on, but how could they?
They never asked and I never tell. I barely slept last night.
And don't get me started on the filing of Christmas leave - I'm not even sure if my boss would give me the time off. Will I be able to come home for the holidays or is it going to be another better luck next year.
If I can't make it this year, my kids will be disappointed. But what about my boss? I can't lose this job. The day will end with me giving myself justifications over justifications - and yet, the season has barely started.
Hear me out, I don't blame my parents. How could I? when I know they were also living paycheck after paycheck. If I had it hard, for sure they had it worse.
Imagine building a family, while still paying the debts of their parents before them. It must have been rough.
But behind all the uncertainties, one thing I know is sure - I won't let this burden pass unto my kids. I want to see them grow up and never lose spark of the spirit the ber-season brings. I want them to be responsible young adults without having to live with that guilt feel responsibility - I won't hold them back.
I'll use the weekends to create the life I have always dreamed of, instead of escaping the life I currently have. I'll work and invest to secure my future - our future. Even if it means delayed gratification. Ika nga, kung gusto mo ng worth it, you gotta work hard for it.
I'm ending the cycle. It ends with me.
I haven't finished daydreaming yet when the calendar notification on my laptop pops up - it's a call invite, here goes another client meeting.
#kahulugan #tagalogtrail #hiveph
Thank you for checking the blog. It's my first time to join the 
I hope some of you was able to relate and start thinking of the ways on how we can break the cycle, what ever it is that you are going through at this time, know that it will pass and you will be okay - it got to be. A pat on the back to all hard working panganay and breadwinners out there.
Kaya natin to - Kakayanin natin to.
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