In these dangerous times when people are dying like flies on TV, it’s important to protect yourself from “the virus” by wiping your arse hourly.
This is leading to global toilet paper shortages, and some people are endangering everyone else’s health by only wiping after taking a dump. This is unacceptable.
If you have run short on toilet paper, make each ripe count. Wipe so hard your sphincter starts to bleed. And if you do run out of toilet paper, use your face mask. But remember to spray it with hand sanitiser before you put it back on your face.
If wiping your arse harder can save one life it is worth a bit of sphincter discomfort.
