Ok so, Guys Night is about a d20 Modern game I played in after changing cities and wanting to get back into TTRPGs. It is told as best as I can recall, since it was over 10 years ago.

Table of Contents

Chapter I: In the Beginning
Chapter II: Genesis
Chapter III: Enter the Mullet
Chapter IV: It's the End of the World as we Know It
Chapter V: You Can Fight City Hall
Chapter VI: From the Ashes
Chapter VII: New World, Old Problems

Lost in the Desert

So after the Great Fail Joust of Interstate 10, Mullet is nearly dead with 3 out of 71 Hit Points left. Doc Ron, have felt (very little) remorse for sniping Mullet's kill, proceeds to do a surgery on him. He was successful, and managed to heal about 30 Hit Points of damage. Meanwhile Dan is running a skill challenge to see if we locate the weirdness in the desert.

Mullet was unconscious so I didn't participate in the challenge. So the short version is the group failed the challenge and ended up just driving aimlessly through the desert looking for... something. It was a "we'll know it when we see it" kind of thing. So we park and camp out in the desert that night. I was allowed to stay in the Bradley since I was healing. And the rest of the party slept in and around the vehicle.

So at some point in the night, the group gets ambushed by Giant Wolf Spiders! I'm useless since if Mullet tries to help, he will pull his stitches and not regain the Hit Points. Everybody piles into the Bradley and with a combination of rifles and turret fire they fight of the spiders. Mullet spends most of the fight complaining about how he is trying to get some sleep and they need to keep it down.

A Hole in the Ground

The next morning we wake up to several large dead spider corpses around the Bradley being picked over by various mundane desert scavengers. We had parked after dark and nobody scouted around the area that night. Which was a good thing, with the giant spiders and that. So the next morning we climb the nearest hill and we spot... a hole in the ground. Not a stones throw from where we parked, Dan's funny that way.

Now what here's what was odd about the hole. From the hole spreading out in a cone shaped pattern was burnt glass. We figured it made by a meteorite slamming into the ground. Now the hole punched in to a cave system, and we decided to check it out. So the stealthy teammates went first. Mullet, with his newly "healed" body, was waiting near the entrance of the hole with some of the other heavy hitters. We had instructions not to come inside unless they yell for help.

So Derek and McDougal make their way into the cave with nigh vision goggles. They come to a steep, but not to steep incline that is mostly loose shale and gravel. They anchor ropes and proceed at a safe pace down the incline with the ropes steadying them. So they are making Climb checks to make their way down and I think it was Derek who failed one. So he lets out a yell and make a Reflex save to stay on his feet. He's fine, not to worry.

Well... all Mullet heard was a yell, so he bolts to help his friends. So he dead sprints through the cave. Its dark, and he doesn't see the incline. Oh boy, here we go. So first is a Balance check to see if I keep my feet. Yep that's a fail, but not to badly. So Mullet is rocketing towards Derek and McDougal, who both make a Reflex save to avoid the "Mullet Missile" flying at them. As Mullet reaches the bottom, I roll a Tumble check to avoid the fall damage. I roll pretty well so he only takes around 3 wounds from the landing.

So since Mullet is alone in the dark, Derek and McDougal crack a couple of glow sticks to provide some light. This was a really good thing, since now Mullet can see the three minotaurs in the cave with him! Mullet picks the big one in the middle as a dodge target, draws the great sword, and rolls initiative.

A Truly One-Sided Fight

So with backup slowly making it down the ropes, Mullet prepares to hold off three minotaurs by his lonesome. I roll pretty well on initiative and Mullet goes first in the order. So I figure that since the one in the middle is big and not wearing armor, Mullet shouldn't have a problem hitting him. Now, this is the first time I get to swing Mullet's newly enchanted +1 Keen Great Sword. Mullet got it two sessions ago and has yet to use it. I also have a +6 Base Attack Bonus which I dump into Power Attack, a feat that lets me trade accuracy for damage. So between class features, abilities scores, feats, and equipment Mullet's attacks looked something like this:

+7/+2 to hit, 2d6+15 (Magic/Slashing), Crit 17-20 x2

So Mullet swings at the big one, and I roll an 18. This means I have to roll again to see if the hit is a critical hit, roll again and get a 15. A 22 is is enough to hit, so I make a critical hit on the big boy. Now the way Dan did critical hits was you rolled and then applied the multiplier to the number. So I rolled my 2d6 and got an 11 then added 15. So that's 26 x 2 for 52 damage. This was more that half its hit points. I know this cause Dan said, "Damn, that's over half its hit points."

You may have noticed that my to hit was +7/+2. That means Mullet can swing a second time but only with a +2 bonus. So naturally, I swing again. And what do I get? That's right, that sweet sweet Natural 20. A Natural 20 does not need to confirm critical hits, they AUTO crit. So roll that 2d6 again, got a 9. So that's another 48 damage. The big boy minotaur did not have 101 Hit Points, so Dan describes how the first swing takes out the knees and on the backswing I take off the head.

So since took out the big boy, I get to use the Cleave feat. Since Mullet dealt an opponent enough damage to make the opponent drop, he gets an immediate extra melee attack against another opponent adjacent to the character. So I swing into the Minotaur on the right. No critical hit this time but I still deal 23 damage to it.

The minotaur I hit takes exception to this and tries to hit me but misses, twice. Unfortunately it wasn't my Dodge target so no Agile Riposte attack. Derek and McDougal manage to get lower on the ropes and start shooting at the uninjured minotaur, but both miss since from the penalties from shooting while climbing. The second Minotaur moves in and gores me for 10 damage.

The rest of the party is now at the top of incline getting ready to make their way down, but they are effectively out of the fight. Derek and McDougal decide for the next round they are just going to hustle down the rope as fast as they can and give some fire support once they are on the ground.

Top of round 2, second verse same as the first. Power attack, rolled an 8 for a 15 to hit. I connect and deal 18 damage, killing the wounded minotaur. Hey I dropped one! So Mullet gets to cleave into the one who just gored him. Rolled a 19 on the cleave attack and confirmed the critical. Got a 6 on my 2d6 for a total of 42 and one shot the bull man. The smaller ones only had around 40 hit points.

So Mullet starts looting the bodies, he does the two smaller ones first as Derek and McDougal approach in stunned silence. Nick lets me know that I averaged over 90 damage a round. Now I can see Dan calculating behind his eyes and realizing the same thing. Dan now realizes my output potential and will have to adjust future encounter accordingly. He also realizes a mistake that he had made with this encounter, namely the loot.

You see when Dan described the big minotaur, he said it had a belt on. The belt looked to be made of large chain links and instead of a buckle it had two interlocked fists. So as Mullet was reaching for the belt, Maurice materializes out of nowhere and grabs the loot at the same time. This is apparently a joke power he has for the funny hahas. Mullet is not laughing. The two lock eyes and narrow their gazes at each other. Maurice gives a slight tug on the belt to try and take it from Mullet. Mullet doesn't let go. He earned this belt. And nobody is taking it from him.

And this is the moment that Dan ended the session on. I also want to point out that at the time, Seth and I were both standing pretending to hold the belt. We are both pretending to tug this imaginary belt between us. We both were conveying our desire for the belt NON-verbally, just hand twitching and facial expressions. It was a truly great roleplaying moment.

So as the session starts wrapping up I ask Seth what the hell Maurice thinks he's doing. And Seth just says "It's what he does." Dan tells us to figure it out by next session. So I'll let you know what happens next time. Hopefully it wont take 3 weeks to write chapter nine. So how about you, have you ever had an interparty conflict over loot? How did you resolve it? Let me know in comments below. Till next time, happy gaming!

Victory by Dice!

TL;DR: After getting lost in the desert, two men fight over a belt.

• Author's note: Sorry this took so long. It was combination of writers block, technical issues, and personal problems that really made this chapter harder to write. Which is strange since its one of my favorite Guy's Night stories. So once again, sorry.