I want to do a lot of things, but it has become very hard for me to concentrate on something new, I’ve lost it. I am not even ready to listen to a new song. All I want to do is go through the old stuff. At first, I didn’t see this as some kind of a problem, I liked this at first. I felt like it was good to stop the flow of a big chunk of information into my brain. I thought that this will give me some kind of power to concentrate on the few things I do.
But the story turned around in different ways, I still waste time and it is in very unproductive ways. I am not a fan of the word productivity, but my situation is not just about being productive or unproductive. It’s more like spending most of a day unwanted things, The things that are not at all meant for anything. Mostly it's spent on silly things that entertain each lazy one, like funny youtube videos and Instagram reels.
I can’t even watch a movie at home now, I can't even concentrate on it. Most of the time I force myself to watch good movies, even then I will be looking at the time to know when it will end. It feels like getting older, kind of lost the grasp of what’s going on outside.
Also, I have this desire to learn a lot of things, which could improve my carrier and also as a person. But I can’t even concentrate on any of those things. Spending even five minutes on that subject makes me hate that. So I could do concentrate on nothing and just try to watch whatever comes into my mobile screens. I don't do much searching now, just views the recommendations. The recommendations they have shortlisted for me from my previous interests. Anything new isn't welcomed anymore.
I don’t want to be like this, I want to be more concentrated and have more focus. But I know how these will work, even I have to change a small thing, I can’t simply do that. To change something, some little part of my day to day life, I have to create a timetable for the whole day. Otherwise, the change I wanted to bring will be lost after a few days.
I don't follow any routine these days, just wakes up whenever I feel like it, also goes to bed like that. There aren’t many things to do there. Even don't have a regular time for a bath, everything happens in an instinct-based way. And also my mind is wandering around all the time, I don't have control or balance there. Things are happening in a way the outside world wanted, I am not giving input to change this flow. I can say that I’m not in control of anything happening to me, all I’m doing is just feeling tired and spending more time in bed if any outside push is coming into my life. I want to change all these be more active and learn new things.