I should be in my prime at this age.
I should be a government servant...I mean service holder!
I should be married of way before and even have a child by now!
To summarize all, I should have settled down (It never matters if I want or not) with a guy (It never matters I like or not) instead of being a shameless single girl at my last twenties!
This limitless plethora of SHOULD and SHOULDN'T are storming ins and outs of life that I barely find myself to breath beyond.
I mean I am capable of bearing the responsibility fulfilling all the financial, social, mental, emotional needs but I am not mature enough to express how I want to live my life!
And not only parents, it feels like for my marriage every single people around me is suffering in deep agony of what sorts perhaps even God doesn't knows!
Be it my neighbor, my colleagues (to be precise ex colleagues), my so-called friends, my benevolence, hardly know acquaintance!
I have become so paranoid that feel like even the random rickshaw puller or uber driver would start saying "মামা! বিয়ে কইরবেন না?"
The nightmare where you will see all those hollow souls of those folks transforming into wrath, fey, ghouls; congregating around you surmounting the chant in horrendous voice shivers you to the core "বিয়ে করস না কেন!" (Get married!)
And dealing with this nightmare everyday, living amongst the hollow souls struggling to hide, lay low without making a sound so that you don't attract the zombie!
Ç'est la vie! That's how life treating me right now!
No! You got it wrong. I want to marry, of course. More than any one I want to get married.
But...yes there's a but! A very small "but"
To me marriage is a very beautiful thing. To think that forming my own family, is an exclusively alluring and adorable idea. ONLY if, I am marrying the right person.
Now you might wonder of what makes a person right!
That I too have no idea!
I will just know when I know!
So as I always say, it's not like I am against marriage or don't want to get married! I too would love to love and be loved back! Experience an entirely new world.
However, only when the time is precisely clicked with the appropriate person.