During the short timespan of this life, I have read thousands of books that can be marked as good books, bad books, iconic books, how the hell this got published books. But never have I ever read a book that can push me to the verge of losing my sanity.
Cult X is a psychological thriller fictional novel, written by Japanese writer Fuminori Nakamura originally published in 2014. If you do a quick search on google, it will soon come to your notice that in comparison to the other works of the author, the review of Cult X is rather bad. If you dive more into the written review section, you will find the mix reaction among the reader and most of them don’t know how to rate this work while some didn’t even dare to give any rate at all. At that time, I was obsessed with Japanese dark psychological themed books and by the time I came across Cult X, I had already finished reading most of Fuminori Nakamura’s other works. As an obsessively in love with his other works, I couldn’t understand how this book of his got so many mixed reactions. I wanted to see for myself and come to my own conclusion.
And that’s how my downfall began.
As a psychological thriller fan, by the moment the reading started, I was hooked. I didn’t know the depth of the dark, twisted turn this novel would take me to nor did I know the twisted fate of my sanity. If I knew back then, things might have ruled out differently. But I didn’t, I didn’t stop reading when I should have.
When we read any novel, we tend to live in that world, we feel what the characters feel, we laugh with them or on them, we watch them silently or sometimes put ourselves in their shoes and live the lives they tend to live or just find a bondage with the most relatable characters. Sometimes we admire or get jealous of their world, lives, and love.
That’s what at least I tend to do. But that flow changed with this particular book. Everything started with chasing an answer, pushing through the thousands of layers, twisted turns and intense emotions. I kept pushing for an answer, thinking maybe just around the corner I would finally get it, but somewhere in the middle of it, I found myself lost in a bubble of cold numbness, I couldn’t feel anything, things that should’ve been disturbing or strong enough to get a reaction out of me wasn’t there. Somehow, along the chase with intense continuous feelings, my mind shut me in a blank numbness where I was unable to feel anything. And when I finally found the answer, It didn’t feel worth chasing for. I didn’t have any memory of what I did, who I met and how this time had been spent. When I finally come out of it, a week has been passed.
I went back to goodreads to give my review and came to realize why so many people find it hard to rate this book. It’s not because it was written badly or the plotline was not good enough, no. The real reason for finding it hard to rate a book 5/5 is the inability to accept the cruel reality. For me, giving it a 5 star meant I am supporting it, I am supporting all the things that have been said, done and executed in that book and in the end like many others I was unable to rate. I don't think I am worthy enough to judge it.
This book manages to give me a trauma I didn’t know a book can give. This is the only book I still can’t re-read a single line without panicking. Even though it's one of my favorite books of all time, I could never recommend it to anyone for fear of getting murder in the bubble of their insanity (I am joking.. or am I?)
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