I have no identity - Who am I

It's a joy to meet your childhood friends in adulthood, the joy multiplies when you meet them after almost thirty five years. There is so much catching up to do and somehow you want to know as much as you can about them in the shortest possible time. It is not idle curiosity, it's a deep desire to know how your friends have done. You want to know how life has treated those whom you once held so dear when a geographic and logistic divide kept you apart. I had the joy of meeting a few friends of mine last month.

Our conversations hovered around the major events in our lives. It was then one of my friends closed his story with "I have no identity after all these years." He was taking about how he was born in one state lived and educated in another having to learn a different language and live among a people of different culture. Later he got job in a another state in a part of the country far from where he spent his childhood days, this was where he spent most of his adult life. Almost at the end of his career he moved to different state where he lives currently. These events in his life made him feel like he had no identity at all. The sorrow in his voice was so palpable as he uttered those words.

These words left a deep mark in my mind, I was constantly reminded of his words which had me wondering - what is identity. Is it related to geographical or social affiliation alone? I looked up certain definitions and concluded that it is a mix of physical, psychological, and interpersonal traits which are unique to a person added to certain affiliations ethnic and social. I however feel while the ethnic or social affiliations may play a role they are not who you are as a person.

What I am not

I am not just an Indian, I am a global citizen. I have some cultural traits of an Indian but not all. My thoughts are guided and widened by my education, my experience and exposure in life. I have often heard people say I am different when they hear of my nationality. While I love my nation I am glad to be unique, for I am who I am.

I am not my profession

I am not what I do, I am much more than that. My profession or my career doesn't define me, it's a part of who I am, not even a major part I feel. I may have been molded by some of the things that I learned in my profession but only by those that have held some value and meaning to me personally.

I am not a language

I am not the language I speak, I love my mother tongue, but it's not me. My children have a mother tongue while their father speaks a different language, does that mean they have no identity? Far from it! We are more than the language we speak.

Is my religion my identity?

Not so. How much I know of my holy book and how much I live by it defines me to a certain extent. There are people who barely know what their religious texts say, they go by what their religious heads have taught them or how their family has interpreted it to them. I need to have a personal revelation of my religious text/s to be deeply rooted in it, even then its not all me.

Am I my disease?

I come from the diabetes capital of the world and I often hear people proclaiming that they are diabetics. Funny as it seems it is true. I may have diabetes, I also have a heart condition but I do not like the idea of calling myself by any of those names. In fact I'd love to be cut off from these ailments.

I am not the expectations or the impressions of others

I am not the expectation of others even my loved ones, neither am I what others think of me. I am who I am, the thoughts and judgements of others don't make me who I am. I may have fulfilled their expectations but I am much more than that. Peoples' impressions of us are formed from what they see of us in a specific context or in a specific window of time, it's not the total space of what we occupy as a person.

We are not our feelings

Our feelings change from time to time, so even if we feel about ourselves one way at this moment we may not feel the same way say six years from now or even six months from now. Feeling are fleeting emotions, they belong to us, but they are not us.

Are we our successes or our failures?

We may achieve so many things in life but we are not those nor are we the sum of our mistakes. We are known for who we are as a person at the end of our lives, our position and power is not factored into those calculations then. Strangely, our position and power doesn't really matter to even to us when we look back at life. People remember us fondly not for the position or power we wielded, but for the love and kindness we have shown and for the forgiveness we have extended to others.

Who am I?

I am the sum total of my beliefs (religious and otherwise), of what I stand for and what I live by. I am not wide eyes, blunt nose or brown skinned; a person's physical identity is ever changing especially in these days of plastic surgery miracles. I am a person of firm beliefs. I am a person who believes in humanity; who loves to see the good in others. I am someone who believes that the 80% of the good in someone should never be overshadowed by the 20% of the poor choices he or she might make. I believe we need to celebrate the goodness in others and accept them for who they are.

My faith in life and its balance thereof, my hope in a bright and positive future, my love for nature and belief in its providence could all tell of me as a person. My love for all things beautiful, good and kind, my willingness to fight to the end and never give up sums me as a person. This I believe is my identity. This is purely me, there is no one else in it, no ethnic or social affiliation in it, no one else's opinion matters here, yet goodwill towards all humans is at the center of it.

I have an identity and it is me. I am who I believe I am in my heart and live by. I am my identity. My identity changes as I grow in experience and understanding of life. These are just my thoughts I wanted to share this with my friend in particular and other friends here on Hive.