I was at warp speed, everything was a blur; My older brother, a couple of neighbour kids, our border collie and the garden...All just a blur of colour but...I could make out their faces, looks of wonderment, awe and jealousy at the speed at which I zipped by; Some sort of land speed record for certain! And talking of speed...Was it picking up? Could I be going even faster? Oh glorious speed, come at me, carry me along faster and faster...
An hour earlier life wasn't as fast; It was just a typically hot Australian summer day in the middle of the Christmas school holidays. My older brother and I were sitting around on the front porch with a couple lads from the neighbourhood wondering what to do and why it was so bloody hot!
We had started riding our bikes around but it got too hot, 40C+, so we sat there pondering our boredom whilst eating triangles of watermelon my mum had brought out. Boring.
Before long, and right before we were about to die of boredom and heat exhaustion, we decided to poke around in the sheds out the back to see if there was something to do out there...Things weren't looking so good until my razor-sharp 8 year old vision spied something leaning on the shed wall up the back...Was that a roll of black garden plastic? My brain started to tick.
We had to move a few things around, not the easiest thing to do for a group of 8 to 10 year olds, but a half hour later we had liberated the roll and had it relocated it to the front of the house, a fairly large expanse of mostly grass-covered ground.
Within moments it was unrolled, not fully because we didn't have that much room, but we had cut off a very long strip of black plastic and had it weighted down with whatever we could find, mostly rocks and old bricks found around the property.
All that was required was a quick stealth-mission to the kitchen for dish washing detergent courtesy of the local cat-burglar, the little 8 year old G-dog, and to join a few garden hoses together to get the required length to reach all of the plastic and the scene was set for...
The worlds longest home made slip and slide
OK so I don't know if it was the world's largest, but to the 8 year old G-dog it looked that way. It was glorious and was going to be the best thing ever. Of course, I went first; As local crash test dummy that was my designated role.
I was fast, lightening fast, as I slid along on my stomach. Everything was a blur; My older brother, a couple of neighbour kids, our border collie and the garden...All just a blur of colour but...I could see their faces, looks of wonderment, awe and jealousy at the speed at which I zipped by; Some sort of land speed record for certain! And talking of speed...Was it picking up? Could I be going even faster? Oh glorious speed, come at me, carry me along faster and faster...
Clearly my glide down the slip and slide was going well, but we had made a miscalculation...IN hindsight is was more of a cluster-fuck than a miscalculation but back then well, let's just say we were so keen to get sliding that it didn't even register.
You see, a long strip of black garden plastic slathered in dish washing detergent and watered down with a hose can be a dangerous thing to ride whilst stripped down to ones underpants and on one's stomach at the best of times...But when it's lined with bricks and rocks to weigh it down at the edges...One's trajectory calculations need to be spot on.
All of a sudden things started to go bad. My slip and slide trajectory calculations, which really only involved running as fast as I could then throwing myself down in a belly-flop onto the plastic, was all a bit skewed and I found myself heading off to one side...And a brick that had been placed there to hold the plastic down.
Have you every tried to stop your forward momentum when on a slip and slide? Yeah well, it's impossible.
My head smashed into the brick, right in the centre of my forehead; That hurt. But the thing is that physics kept happening...My body, now off the slippery plastic, kept moving forward, stomach down, on the grass...
If digital cameras were invented in 1978 it would have made a good photo...How can I describe it...Oh yeah, imagine taking a big piece of sand paper and rubbing it up and down your chest and stomach for a little while...That sort of comes close. It wasn't pretty and hurt like a mother fucker.
There I was, blood gooshing from a cut on my head, grass burns and the worst rash a person could have on my chest and stomach, underpants half torn off and my brother and friends pissing themselves laughing. Not my finest moment I can assure you...But a few tears, then laughter, later I was back on the fucking slide with the others...We took the bricks and rocks away though. Quick learners.
I've done some completely, totally stupid things in my life and whilst most of them hurt, and a lot of them could have got me killed, I don't regret them...I learned a lot from the stupid things I did, and as a 50 year old I still learn from the stupid things I do...They're more stringently planned these days though, more calculated, but often still stupid.
I loved those summer days and the way we had to find our own fun. We got it wrong sometimes which often meant scrapes, bruises, blood and broken bones but goddamn it was fun; I'm so glad I wasn't a kid when computer games were invented and kids lost the ability, desire, to find their own fun.
Anyway, have you done something stupid? Come on, don't say no because I won't believe you...Clearly this is #173 for me which means there were many more...So, tell me one of yous! Don't be shy.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
Discord: galenkp#9209