This is a song that I wrote back in Mar 2021. It is a song about me figuring out how to unload years of unprocessed emotions and experiences that I have suppressed or invalidatedd unknowingly.
Writing this song reminded me of moments when I trembled and went into freeze mode when I meet fear, pain and trauma at the same time. I wished there was a safe place for me to collapse.
But many times, survival mode kicked in stronger. To discount the degree of impact it has on me feels like an 'easier' way out. That was my internal system trying to cope with the shock. That was the best I could do with what I know at that moment.
I was brought up in an environment where my thoughts and feelings are usually not heard, accepted or mattered. So when BIG emotions like hurt, pain, disappointment, and anger come, I didn't know how to accept or process them. I suppressed and skipped the grieving process and went straight into my default mode of being an empathetic and understanding person. I thought that was how things should be, or how people expect me to be. Worst is, I unknowingly reflect that into my relationship with God - I thought that was how God wants me to be too.
Years passed and I realise, that coping/surviving isn't sustainable nor it is a healthy way to grow into a wholesome being. To be honest with myself and acknowledge that "it was painful and I was really disappointed", was actually my first big step toward the healing process.
If there's one thing I've learned about God over the years, it's that when we have done all that we can do, God sits with us through the experience too.
He is, too, hurting together with you.
He is, too, angry together with you.
He is, too, disappointed together with you.
He doesn't punish/dislike/disregard you for experiencing BIG emotions.
He said, "You don't have to hold it all together. You can land on Me".
He can handle your brutal honesty.
He can hold your "ugly" emotions.
He is patient enough to handle the messy you.
He is a safe place for you to land and 'be'.
May you find comfort & encouragement in this song.
Knowing that God is your safest place and person to go to. There is no pain that is too deep that He couldn't meet you there.
He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)
When you thought you fell off the cliff and were beyond rescue, turn around and see that you fell into His hands after all and He has been watching over you since the beginning.
Though he falls, he shall not be utterly cast down;
For the Lord upholds him with His hand. (Psalm 37:24)
Thank you for reading and listening to my humbling journey of emotional processing, singing and songwriting thus far.
I'm no expert and I'm still learning every day. But if this sharing resonates with you, I hope you know that you are not alone. :) π»
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You Can Land On Me (Lyrics)
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[Verse]
When it came to me
I am breathing, yet not breathing
My heart feels empty
I'm walking aimlessly
.
Releasing
Expressing
Not what I should
But what I feel
Is there such a place
For me
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[Pre-chorus]
The unspoken words
The unfathomed pain
The unpretty moments
Then I heard You say
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[Chorus]
You can land on Me (x2)
I will never judge
I will never run
I will hear you through
You are safe right here
You can land on Me
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[Bridge]
When no one else could understand
You still have permission to feel
No matter how long it has been
.
You are safe right here
(All your tears and all your fears)
You are safe right here
(Lay it all down at My feet)
You are safe right here
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[Chorus 2]
You can land on Me
All your weary heart and soul
You can land on Me
Just the way you are now
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I'll hold you in My arms
I'll catch you when you fall
I will never leave
You are safe right here
You can land on Me