I derive this song from a piece of my journal that I wrote back in May 2021.
It is a song about showing up.
πΊππππππ ππ πππ ππππ πππ ππππππ,
πππ ππππ πππ ππππππππ.
There was a period in my life when I was overwhelmed by all the "should dos". Whether spoken or unspoken ones.
Without questioning myself, if those were God's desires or God-led or even weighing if those were worth the trade-off of my time, I took everything that was assigned to me or came on my plate, and nobly labelled it as "being helpful and responsible" or "for the sake of character growth".
As a result, I burnout. To a point, I felt anxious when I saw human beings around me. I had a phobia of seeing humans' messages on my phone or hearing people calling my name.
Slowly and subtly, I lose the motivation to do things. Not even on things I used to like to do. I was very exhausted at the end of the day, and all i want to do is just sleep. I'm basically on survival mode and I don't even know how to connect with my inner being anymore. I lose the desire to express myself. Be it written words, speech, or songs. I was unusually quiet for quite a while. I knew something was off, yet I couldn't pinpoint where was wrong. It felt like I was living, yet not alive.
I bet God probably saw the vital parts that made up my creative being were slowly shutting down, like the night city lights dimming off one by one.
When I first heard the word "show up", I thought I missed out on showing up for someone/something. I even asked God who or which tasks I specifically missed out.
It was a perplexing moment when I realised He meant for me to 'show up for myself'. This thought didn't go well with my brain as I felt borderline selfish to not show up for others. That was when I noticed I had a skewed understanding of the "dying to self" or "greatest ability is your availability" concept. I unknowingly went to the other extreme ends. :/
"If you continue to not to have the time, energy, and space to show up for the more important things I have for you, the original version of Michelle Loh that I have created you to be, will disappear."
For whatever the reason it is, this statement scared the core out of me. I don't want to lose myself. I want to see the original version that God has created me to be. What does she look like? What does she do that shines brightly in His eyes? Will He said "Well done, my good and faithful servant" when i meet Him one day?
I know I have a lot to unlearn. Probably one of them is to break free from the sense of acceptance, approval, recognition and belonging from this world.
As I'm processing and journeying my way there, this is my in-the-middle-of-the-valley song.
This song is about how God showed up for me when I couldn't do it for myself. It is His gentle whispers telling me not to give up connecting, discovering, and expressing my inner being.
It's a song that pens down His gentle nudging that sustained me through those exhaustive days, His simple back-to-basics rules to be a human "be"ing again, His ever faithful encouragement and words of affirmation that as much as loving others mattered to Him, I mattered to Him too.
These unpolished lyrics & melody are my humble attempt to share my vulnerable story. My attempt to reconnect with my inner being and express myself again. My way of articulating whatever I have left in me and giving back my worship to Him.
May we never lose the wonder of knowing who we are in this lifetime, despite the busyness in life. Take the time to quiet down, and be curious about your feelings and thoughts. You are worthy of the time and effort to be known by yourself too.
.Show Up (Lyrics)
[Verse 1]
Have you had your meal today
Have you had your shower today
Have you leaned your back today
Have you breathed in deep today
[Pre chorus]
When the world is caving in
When you feel the heaviness
When you feel suffocated
You're allowed to take a break
[Chorus]
Show up
Step outside
Feel the breeze and quietness again
Show up
Pen your thoughts into notes
And notes to melody
Show up
Close the doors
Close your eyes and say your simple prayer
Oh He can heal and restore
When you show up
[Verse 2]
Choose what's good for u today
Choose what's kind for u today
What brings joy for you today
What brings peace for you today
[Bridge]
Don't feel guilty
You're not a burden
You are not selfish
To have your needs and wants to be fulfilled
Show up for someone
Show up for yourself too
You don't have to prove a thing
Cause I will still love you the same
[Chorus 2]
Show up
You are strong You are worthy
Don't give up right now
Show up
You are loved You are cherished
Don't give up right now
Show up
You're enough You can do it
Don't give up right now
He can heal and restore
He can show up When you show up
.