I would've chosen you. But I chose to save the world. Does that make me a hero? I don't want to be a hero or to be called one. I regret that day. With my whole heart, I'm filled with regret. I should've never gone back..I would've been happier being with you and just you. Staring at the stars when it was dark and inventing weird gadgets. My smart beautiful girl...forgive me because I cannot forgive myself. I miss you. I miss the feeling of the strands of your hair in between my fingers.
I can still remember that day..the day you walked into the hall,to me. How pretty you looked,how intriguing,how captivating...my eyes could wander nowhere else. It was fixated on you and I had nothing against the idea of just staring at you. How proud I felt when you walked up to me and not someone else. I had the most beautiful girl in the world in my face, smiling broadly at me, I felt nothing but on top of the world.
And you stared at me like I was something overly priced and valuable. I've never had anyone look at me as something important but you did. You liked me enough to want to be with me. To look forward to being with me. I can only regret, sadly. I traded something worth my entire existence for this messed up world. I hate this life. And I saved it. I don't know what is more diabolical. I have no idea what's more foolish.
Sometimes I choose to hurt myself by wondering what would've happened if I chose differently. Would we be together now? Would we be happy? I imagine us living in a small house on the outskirts of town, surrounded by trees and a garden filled with your favorite flowers. I imagine us waking up together every morning, holding hands, and watching the sunrise. I imagine us growing old together, with gray hair and wrinkled skin, but still holding hands.
But that wouldn't have happened,none of that would've happened . Reality is cruel, and it's taken everything from me. I have only this memory of you in my head. I'm left to wonder what could've been, what should've been. I'm left to pick up the pieces of a shattered life, and try to move on. But it's hard, oh so hard, when every step forward feels like a betrayal to myself.
I don't know how to let go. I don't know how to move on. My mind is all that's left...and it's filled with you.