It’s a blur, my vision. I can’t see. My hands are spread out in front of me, trying to seek for a way out and figure what’s going on. How do I fight this sudden blindness? I can’t see.
It was so clear some time ago, I saw you, I saw the bright green of your eyes and then, you said you didn’t want me anymore. I stuttered and asked you what you meant but it seemed you didn’t hear what I said, and it just got worst from there. You went further, out of arms reach. I stretched, with my fingers splayed in front of me. I walked, and ran and I still somehow couldn’t reach you. You kept moving beyond my reach, every walk, every large stride, every breath, every scream that erupted from the depth of my throat. It felt like it was all being sucked into a vacuum. The tears wouldn’t stop flowing. I can’t feel my eyes, they hurt. They hurt so much.
You wouldn’t stay back to talk. To explain further what’s really going on. How dare you do this to me Ronald? I am blind. I have been blinded. Make me see and understand you properly. It hurts. My eyes, my temple. Everything hurts. I am tired of running towards you. I am tired of chasing you—but for some reasons unknown to me—I can’t stop searching for you. I can’t stop waiting for you to come back. I feel foolish. I want to laugh at myself, I want to look in a mirror and laugh at how delusional I am but I can’t. Because my heart won’t let go.
You’ve blinded me Ronald. Wrapped a thin layer of boyish taunts and fake love and promises around my eyes and it’s all a blur. The trees, the sky, my vision! I am being thrown into a hole, a hole that’s dark and seems like nothingness. And a scream won’t even tear out of my throat cause it feels like a decision I’ve accepted. But I can’t see that. I can’t see any of that. Because I have been blinded. My life put to stop because of how weak you make me feel. How weak you made me feel.
Let me have my sight back. I want to stop floating now. I want my freedom again. I want it. I want it back. I’m screaming now. I remember we kissing for hours, it was the best day of my life. I wouldn’t forget the day you asked me to be yours and I smiled so hard, my cheeks stayed hurting for weeks. Those were the best days of my life but you…you have to ruin that. You have to try and ruin me. You did ruin me. You took my sight! I was blinded. But I see now. A little. I see a bright light, shining and thin and it’s there. It’s there, piercing the darkness.
What was that Ronald? What was that? All the lies disguised as being sweet you whispered into my ears when we smoked that one blunt at the park? You said you were going to make everything alright. You lied! You lied and blinded me!