Hi, I’m Lenny the Gargoyle.
Today I ran 15,912 steps to the nearest Amazon warehouse, welded all the doors shut, and then set it on fire. That’s what they get for leaving my package on the maroon deck chair between the two cerulean garden gnomes, instead of on the burgundy patio chaise longue between the two azure skeleton lawn flamingos, as was clearly instructed on the handwritten note I laminated and duct-taped to my front door after shotgunning eight high-gravity beers and drunkenly placing my 1-click order for next-day delivery at 2am. Dicks.
Pro Tip: Don’t forget to board up all the windows after you’re done welding the doors shut. Otherwise people might escape.
Well, that’s all for now. Thanks for reading, and have a great day!
Lenny
(Image credit)
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