Depression and Post Traumatic Steess Disorder (PTSD) is no joke to put aside.
Moreover PTSD from a bully.
From one senior citizen to another.
I know, it feel a bit like a joke right?
"What age are they in already? Ripe old age and still can't look at life a bit more positively?"
But have we forgotten, when we get older, our brain often can revert back to a more childish behaviour
So just the same like every school bully, there's always something deep in the inner child that is unresolved, but the receiving "victims" will have to deal with the trauma caused.
That, will be my mom.
During the depression battling stage, one of the mornings when I usually do a "eye hygiene routine" (after administering the eye ointment the night before), I found her waking up crying and was gasping for air.
She kept asking me to find her a cross so that she can hug it to sleep to feel safe.
A wooden cross is definitely a no no because it is hard and uncomfortable, so my first thought in mind is perhaps there's a cross pillow I could find.
But where to find one last minute?
My friend and choir member helped to search through online shops, hoping to find something locally or maybe from the super fast China logistic shops, but it was in vain.
And the ones available in US, they are super expensive, moreover before shipping, may take time to go through shipment and even might get stuck in custom as well.
(You know, an imported pillow can raise some red flags 🚩)
God's guide and intuition is really amazing, the prompting deep inside my heart was "make it, I'll guide you" at first I was just thinking of getting a brown towel and maybe find a way to stich into a shape of the cross, but my heart kept tugging me to look for cushion pillows.
When I was holding this small one, some how it didn't feel right. Even though it can be made into a standard size cross, but the "intuition" kept instructing, "bigger".
Finally I found the exact size and the exact colour that I felt right, and with God's blessing, it had a major discount where I could afford to acquire it.
Before I went to the counter to pay for it, I was distracted by this cutie, and just decided to just take a picture.
After purchase, I decided to walk over to another shop to get a brand new set of needles and thread because I didn't have the colour, moreover those thread I had before were too old and easily brittle.
Guess it was meant to be because in the set there was a perfectly colour match thread found in the mix. 💗
The first thing to work on the pillow was to take out all its nylon fillings. As I need to gift my mom as soon as possible and usable, washing the fabric will be priority.
Once the filling is done, off to the wash basin to clean the cushion fabric with hot water and soap.
I am really grateful that this is a good fabric, seeing that it hardly has any colour bleeding. 👍🏼
Knowing that I was pressing for time, hanging it for dip dry wasn't an option at all, so I decided to iron dry it.
It does take a while to make sure both sides are properly dried up, or at least 90% dry so that it will ease with drawing out the lines, and stitching.
I actually did make quite a few mistakes; but because the fabric was thick and the surface outside was dark, thank God the ink didn't bleed through.
With the thicker and stronger pin, I managed to start stitch the lines first before cutting, so that with a larger surface and safety pins attached, I didn't have to worry about I will stitch "off track".
Once the stitches are all set, there is where the cutting begins.
Fortunately, I have a pair of hair scissors that is sharper, because once the scissors have cut paper, it will be too blunt for fabrics until re-sharpen.
WHEW! The cross was big enough for my arm to slide in to flip the reverse inside out.
Took a while but still manageable, and it is flipped to the right place for filling in the nylon stuffings again.
And there it is, all set, left on my mom's favourite dining chair, with a note to surprise her...
Because by the time I finished it, it was way past midnight
And I didn't want to startle her from her sleep.
I didn't get to personally witness her reaction as I had to head out before dawn to get my parents' medication from the government dispensary, but after a while that I didn't get her reply, I sent her a text message to just check her favourite dining chair.
The miracle is that after she had the pillow cross with her, she actually was able to have a 2 hours nap in the after (she hasn't been able to nap at all due to anxiety attacks), and sleep through the night without waking up crying.
A simple assurance for her heart goes such a long way. Sometimes, even with faith, seeing and touching the Blessed Assurance fortifies and overcomes mountains of challenges ahead.
Until Then
Stay healthy, stay curious and learn new things, and stay happy!
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