The delivery man pulled up outside. Nothing unusual. Just the wife's daily 2 or 3 boxes of books or junk from Shopee...
"Chuay duay krap" (help me please) pleaded the driver.
Odd, I thought until I saw two huge boxes and a big lump of red plastic wrapped in clingfilm.
Eighty-seven bloody kilograms they weighed and we puffed, panted and swore loudly as fat man and old git dragged them off the van and into the house.
The wife's timing was as perfect as ever as she popped her head out of the door at the very same moment we put the last box down.
"Oh good. My climbing frame has arrived" she bubbled happily.
I didn't bother to ask what climbing frame but instead made the fatal error of asking "how much?"
"I got 500baht (£12, $15) off. They usually build it when they deliver, but I said you could do that, so they gave me a discount"
Clever wife. Saving a bloody tenner so I could spend a whole day screwing bits of wood together in the hot sun, all so the local termite population can enjoy three square meals a day for the next month.
So today, I made a start. I opened the boxes. You need to start slowly and pace yourself.
Happily. There is an instruction book.
Sadly. Most of the number stickers telling you which piece of wood is which have fallen off.
Of course, I'd made another mistake. I opened it inside the house and instead of the lovely aroma of freshly sawn timber, it smells like someone has just sprayed a whole can of pesticide around the room. The wife isn't happy, but not as unhappy as the hundreds of dead bugs covering the floor I awoke to find this morning.
On a more positive note. I'd been after a shiny new cordless drill/driver so with 7/7 sales just around the corner, I made my pitch using lots of man-speak about torque rotation and presenting her with a spreadsheet explaining the time/cost benefits of a DeWalt against a manual Stanley.
It was surprisingly easy and said drill of desire was dropped into the virtual shopping trolley ready for its discounts and free 'coins' to be applied on Friday.
Ha! Not as clever as you thought you were, are you? I thought, as I switched off the light, ready to slumber and dream of my wonderful new toy.
"You'll be able to rebuild all the fitted wardrobes in the bedroom now, won't you darling?" A voice whispered from the darkness.
I just rolled over and made a pretend snore...
Thanks for reading and I hope everyone is having a great week. Sometime in the near future there will be a post containing blood, sweat and tears and something that looks like this...
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