Sharing Track 4 and Track 5 of my then-unreleased recordings:
rest in me (Track 4)
Come near, rest here
Rest with me, find rest in me
You said,
"I don't want to believe you,
'cause if this gets real,
what would be the catch?"
Take risks, jump in
Be vulnerable, you're safe with me
But, you said,
"Oh no, not to the unknown.
But, I'm ready to step out of my comfort zone"
P.S. Please bear with this recording and try not to cringe while listening. I wrote and recorded this at a time when I was trying to learn a new strumming and plucking pattern, but, I remember getting frustrated because I couldn't perfect the pattern. Hence. the hideous offbeat tempo and weird strumming and plucking pattern. Sorry about that! 😅 I hope to be able to record this again next time, though. 😄
I wrote this in August 2019, and if you've been following my story based on the previous unreleased-now-released tracks that I shared in my previous post, you will notice that after trying so hard to suppress my feelings for this guy that I like...d (as I've written in the first three tracks), I've finally decided that starting a relationship with this someone is a worthy pursuit. After all, I've got to admit that I really suck at poker-facing, so, at some point, I've had to stop trying. 😅 The decision to move forward to the next level of whatever-it-is that we wanted to have that time was, of course, something that we both agreed on. We both had significant reservations on pursuing something that may yield to a messy heartbreak, so, naturally, we would hurt each other because...ultimately, the uncertainty of the future scares us. When things would get "real" or "serious", we were both so quick to dismiss our feelings and recalibrate back to our safety net...the "safety" of a no-label arrangement. But, I was happy and I felt safe with him, so, I really wanted to try. But, I would always wonder why he didn't feel the same way. So, the cycle continued, we would end up hurting each other again because, we weren't on the same page. Eventually, after so many conversations and arguments, we finally reached an agreement: 1) That what we wanted to pursue was scary, so to respond in fear, to choose flight rather than fight would be valid; 2) But, the other person is worth it, so, let's try it then. This agreement resulted to this song...which is really a narrative of how one person would acknowledge the fear of the other person, and how one would try to assure the other that it's okay to be scared. And, if the other person chooses to sail through uncharted waters, one would be there to hold his hand and navigate through the unfamiliar...together
be scared together (Track 5)
Rest now
Go ahead and close your eyes
Try to sleep tonight
‘Cause I’m here
Don’t you fret
I’m here
Hush now
Come and let me dry your tears
I’ll take captive all your fears
I’m here
No need to fret
I’m here
Beside you
To hold you
I will never leave
I’m here with you
Take my hand
Take a breath
Let’s be scared together
And then be brave together
I wrote this in May of 2020. In fact, I just remembered today that I already did a recording of this already (with!! my!!! face!!! shown!! in!! the!! video!!) and I have posted it here on this platform as soon as I finished writing this. I said I will try to do a decent recording of this song soon, but I completely forgot that I've done another recording of this last September 2020. So, here you go! 😅 Looking back, I realized that I didn't really give that much detail about this song in my May 2020 post, except for saying that this song was birthed after this certain someone has told me this: "I'm here". It was such a simple assurance, really, but, back then, it was everything to me. The year 2020 was...I couldn't even put into words how horrible 2020 has been for all of us. And, it would be very much understandable to choose to just take care of your own self because hello, we were (or still are) in the middle of a pandemic. It was natural for everyone to be scared and therefore, prioritize your own survival, especially in this time of uncertainty and chaos. But, this someone, despite his own fears and worries and demons, told me what I needed to hear when the pandemic has sown nothing but lies and doubts in my mind: "I'm scared too. But I'm here."
This song is one of the most personal songs I have written, especially because the words to this song are ACTUAL words that this person had uttered...for me. Fast forward to today, I honestly would want this person to tell me these words again, but I don't think that is going to be possible anymore. Still, it is undeniable that this song has healed me, even at present. The healing that this song provides me today is still the same healing that I felt back when I wrote this. I hope it does the same thing for all of you too. I sincerely wish that there is at least one person who will be with you and tell you "I'm here.", even if you are both scared, really. Because, the difference it makes is...incredible! And, I want that for you too. 😊