I left it so long that I replaced my strings almost a year ago, never played my guitar, and the brand new strings snapped - IN THE CASE - due to changing weather and never have being played.
So, I bought some strings, and made such a fuckup restringing it that I snapped several strings in the process. I am so used to nylon strings. They behave so differently. So I ended up taking my guitar in to be professionally restrung, while receiving a free restringing lesson from the guy at Paul Bothner's.
Of course, any time I engage in activities like this, I miss my dad horribly. He would have taught me. We may have had a very shitty childhood with him, but he came through for me later in life... when I accepted him for who he was, and not who I wanted him to be, cigarette in one hand or dangling out f his mouth and a drink nearby, he'd play and restring our guitars, giving me advice along the way.
Back to the strings, Yes, I was annoyed with myself that I'd been stagnant for so long, like I couldn't even stomach picking up a guitar, like any guitar, and yes it is tragic, but life has been a clusterfuck for me of late.
I have fund out that my sister skipped the country and I added my voice to the enormous chorus of women telling their stories and experiences of Gender Based Violence and Sexual assault. I've been gashing open some really ugly stuff that takes a lot of effort to take out, and even more effort to bury again.
I am working on my feelings of self worth...
I am also working on being kinder to myself... and granting myself some well deserved grace.
I'm now working on channeling my shadow emotions into my music, instead of packing them away. And as the veil of unemplyment and unworthiness has started to lift as I have found myself settling well into my new job (that I have waited two years for) -
Lady inspiration struck again, as she does, without warning and sometimes at the most inconvenient times!
It's been a really rough week, but on the bright side, I have so much material. Nothing like poor mental health jarred by trauma to cure writer's block 🤪
Seriously, I had requested my mess-around-and-figure -out-chords nylon string and my beautiful steel string, be brought up to me a while ago- hoping that aviding tripping over them would somehow spark inspiration.
But it doesn't work that way.
You can't force a good thing ❤
Lady Inspiration visits when ever she damn well pleases, whether I'm sleeping, in the loo or driving. And all I can think about is finishing the song. It takes over my whole being.
The 1st one crept up on me on the way to work yesterday morning - May be A Cappello: very heart felt. Not sure I want any instruments on this.
The 2nd one crept up on me as I was dozing in my sleep this morning, dreaming of breaking into school via the gallery and stealing the solo and rocking the school concert. This will be a big song and will need big sound - instruments and voices. Positive, uplifting and finding the joy of living again.
Also, are there any guitarists or other musicians who'd be willing to help me arrange and finish these songs? (my regular guy is stupendously busy!)
Oh, and I need a choir...apparently...😬
Lhort please excuse my mess
As for Lady inspiration... she is me. She's in my blood. In my tears and in my music.
She still lives in me ❤
Some times I cry for her, some times I am still her.
And sometimes I feel like that part of me died with my innocence.
But she IS a part of me. And I am so glad she is.
She inspires me... my music... and my life. How could someone so fragile and breakable survive what she did?
But I'm going to try to start looking forward instead of backwards and love the woman I am now.