One of the best songs of all time, as far as I'm concerned, is REM's Strange Currencies. I come back to it often when I want to write, or just sit with that fruitful yet difficult burden that is loss. I find it relatable, as a human being, and inspiring as an artist, the great beauty that can come from something terrible, not so much in terms of creative output, but within the limits of survival.
I think, sometimes, if you succeed in channeling all the worst things that happen to you into art, you stand a chance of surviving.
And that's nothing short of awe-inspiring.
When I was a kid, I thought this was one of the saddest songs on Earth. I still do, together with a couple of others that come to mind, including Nick Cave's entire Ghosteen album. It is, at the same time, a similar yet vastly different kind of love and loss.
Strange Currencies (like the entire "Monster" album) is dedicated to the memory of River Phoenix, the amazingly talented older brother of Joaquin Phoenix, who overdosed at a young age (23, if my memory serves), back in the early 90s. The song is about him. Entirely. Completely. It is about Michael Stipe's grief as a friend (and, I believe, as someone who was enamoured with River) over failing to save River from his own demons.
Except you don't get to save people, of course, not really. It's an illusion we persist in, to maintain some semblance of control. And when somebody succumbs to the worst parts of their psyche, it is not on you. You shouldn't feel guilty for not holding enough strength for two people. It is simply not how we are designed.
Despite a copious appreciation for music, I don't know of many songs that capture what it is to fall in love with somebody, as well as this one does,
And I don't know what you mean to me
But I want to turn you on, turn you up, figure you out
I wanna take you on
There's something more than a mere "I love you" here. It's saying "you make me think I can be brave enough to face the worst things you hide inside yourself". That despite the above assertion, love makes us feel we are, in fact, strong enough for two.
I wanna take you on. It's not I want to spend the night with you, and it's not I think you're swell. It's I think I can love you, still, when you aren't. And that's a more encompasing definition of love than what most media serves us with.
The song also captures what it is to lose someone in a great way.
These words, "You will be mine"
These words –
They haunt me, hunt me down, catch in my throat, make me pray
Say, "Love's confined to Earth"
It's the fear that haunts many survivors and that comes with its own, by no means small, guilt. If I had loved you, I should've done something while you were still on Earth. It's saying, if you love somebody, be ready to get your hands dirty and to fall.
Strange Currencies is one of the two songs Stipe sang about River Phoenix, the other one being E-Bow the Letter with Patti Smith.
(imagine being there...)
Allegedly, this one's actually made up, at least in part, from an actual letter Stipe wrote for River Phoenix, as a sort of appeal against Phoenix's drug use. It's the popular trope of a letter never sent, but manages to once more capture strange and unusual definitions of what love might truly be.
Will you live to 83?
Will you ever welcome me? [...]
I would lick your feet, but is that the sickest move?
I wear my own crown of sadness and sorrow
And who'd have thought tomorrow would be so strange?
I would lick your feet, but is that the sickest move? It's not easy, putting into words the helplessness of watching someone you love fading away. Yet Stipe does is tragically, perfectly.
I thought about using "Let Me In" as my third pick for this #threetunetuesday, a song Stipe wrote in memory of another fantastic talent gone too soon, but I've never resonated with it as much. So instead, I'm going with a different song about a different kind of loss.
The loss of potentiality. An absence of what could've been.
Whether you look at the song as being about 9/11, as some do, or about it being more simply about a break-up, as I do, the song has its own brand of haunting.
You might have laughed if I told you
You might have hidden a frown
You might have succeeded in changing me
I might have been turned around
It's easier to leave than to be left behind
Leaving was never my proud
As someone who's always found it easier to vanish into the mist than stay, this is another song I've come back to, often, over the years.
I saw the light fading out...
I listen to this one often, while putting on my hat and my coat.
I might've lived my life in a dream, but I swear it, this is real
Except it never really is. A lack of courage burrows into the soul, and dogs your footsteps, as you go through life. Love remains more a series of false starts than something flesh and bone.
I told you forever (Find it in your heart)
I love you forever (It's pulling me apart)
