I'm still going through old recordings and really having a trip down memory lane. These past couple of days have been so heavy, and I don't know why I find solace in old recordings of my music. It's a wonderfully complete nostalgic mood, and it's not always super healthy, but this go-around has been good for me. It's served as a nice opportunity to actually step back for a fucking second and recognize the good that I have--despite the tribulations--this now is still so much closer to living my truth for maybe the first time ever--and that's exciting.
When I recorded this tune a few years ago, I was very much still living in my addiction and I loved playing this song. OMG y'all I LOVED playing this tune. There's so much torture in it, and of course I loved that part of my addiction (the sweet, sweet torture), and this song was such an ironic choice for me to play. When it was at it its worst, hardly anyone knew. I was good at hiding. Playing this song felt like a dirty inside joke between me and my addict self.
There's a lot of pain in this track. The whole tune is about, bluntly, the incredibly shameful things pillheads are capable of, and I know about this, because I was one for a fistful of years.
There's also an outstandingly unapologetic sentiment throughout the original tune as well that always resonated with me in a meaningful way. Good art should make you feel something, and this tune has always been 'good art' to me.
The roughness of this recording is what I dig about it. My memory from that era of time (and really from multiple eras of time for me) is very sketchy, and I only have a vague recollection of recording this one, because I'm pretty sure I was drunk when I recorded it. I know for a fact it was recorded rawside into GarageBand for iPadOS using a Shure MOTIV MV88 microphone.
a word, a sound, an image, an idea.
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