Santa Was Way Cool by Dr. Quinn
A Christmas parody of John S Hall\King Missile's "Jesus was way cool"
Santa was way cool
Everyone loved Santa
Everybody wanted to sit on his lap
Any toy he wanted to make he did
He turned water into talking snowmen
And if he wanted to, he could have turned oregano into mistletoe
Or High fructose corn syrup into candy canes
Or he could just look you in the eyes and you would instantly, automatically be Christian
He flew in a sleigh pulled by reindeer
And he swam in a submarine pulled by jellyfish
He would give all of the children presents and people would leave him cookies and milk
He was really cool
If you were blind or lame, you just went to Santa and he would give you an audiobook Or a bootleg best of King Missile mixtape from the 90s and you would become hip
That is so cool
He could have made toys better than Mattel
He could have told the Pope off
His elves could have built the most structurally sound gingerbread house you've ever seen
He could have scored with more chicks than Wilt Chamberlain
He could have danced better than a ballerina from the nutcracker
Santa could have been funnier than any
Christmas special you could think of
Santa was way cool
He told people to use his body as a cookie template
That's totally hardcore!
Santa was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was so they said he didn't exist
But he proved them wrong
He proved them wrong, he flew around the world delivering toys
Then went up to the north pole
I mean, that's so cool
Santa was way cool
No wonder there are so many consumers
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