I'm odd. Everyone who meets me eventually figures that out. Sometimes it's an asset. Sometimes it's not. My husband figured it out almost immediately, those many years ago when we met. Given my peculiar personality, it's amazing the courtship ever took off. But then, my husband is a strong person, a man who knows his own mind and doesn't take cues from anyone. It wouldn't matter to him if I was odd, as long as he liked me. That's where the miracle comes in. He liked me.
Cat on the back of my husband's chair. He likes to sit up there.
A study was recently published that claims to have found the secret to happiness. According to that study, feeling loved, as opposed to being loved, is the key to happiness. In my case, I think that is the key to our happy marriage. We both feel loved.
In April we will observe (I hope) our 53rd wedding anniversary. There is no question at this point in our lives about loving each other. It's a great luxury to be able to say that without doubt. In the minimalist sense, it has come to this through a process not only of growth, but of stripping away. All the nonsense is gone.
We've weathered the silliness that leads one interest to compete with another. Our interests are united. We want our children to be happy, our granddaughter to be happy. We want to be peaceful, to spend time together. Each of us cannot bear the thought of the other being unhappy, of suffering.
One of cat's sleeping spots as he waits for us to wake in the morning.
What is it that ties us, these days specifically? This may sound so dull to all of you, but we like to take walks. That's an achievement at a certain age, at a certain time in life. We talk about politics. Fortunately, after all these years, we agree on the essential facts. We root for the same people, the same causes. We both disdain bullies. We applaud justice and compassion.
We love our children and our granddaughter. We, each of us, would put our self interest aside for the good of our children and our grandchild. This is an important point of agreement. Not everyone is as devoted to the well-being of their children and it can be a source of dissent.
We both love animals. They are a joy. These days it's the cat that makes us laugh. This is an old cat. I think his advanced age makes him more relatable. He has settled into our rhythm, and waits for us to get up in the morning. First my husband puts his legs over the side of the bed. He gets a greeting. But I'm the food giver, so the cat goes back and waits for me.
I spend a lot of time blogging, or planning to blog. Every blog I write my husband reads. He offers honest critiques. He corrects my spelling and makes suggestions about word choice. He reads comments as they come in and tracks upvotes. He is my biggest fan.
Cat on my keyboard, taking in the sun.
Every week my husband goes to a poker game at a friend's house. I keep my eye on his progress, with Life 360, as he goes. Sometimes I send a picture of the cat while my husband is playing poker. Always I'm waiting for him when he comes home, and I give him a small snack.
I've read that married people over the years sleep in separate beds. I don't understand that. When my husband was in the hospital I went and stayed with him, because we are together. As long as we can manage, that's the way it is.
I started this blog by stating that I'm odd and that my husband recognized this almost as soon as we met. I think the secret of our relationship, for me, has been that he doesn't make me feel odd. His mother used to say there were not two people in the world who could live with either one of us, but that somehow we fit together.
Was my mother-in-law correct? Are we, in the last chapter of our lives, past the sound and fury, and in the end uniquely suited to each other? I don't know, but it certainly feels that way.
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Thank you for reading my blog. Peace and health to all. May kindness and compassion prevail in my country.