Living in uncertainty is, in many places around the world, the only constant, the only certainty. As paradoxical as it may seem, it tends to be that way. In my case, it is a race for survival. I live in a country that is absolute news in almost every media outlet around the world. Where trying not to have worries comes down to one of two possible options: ignoring a reality that is impossible to avoid, or accepting reality and adapting to it. I will be honest, I cannot do either… What I would like to admit today, though, is the ability to find a direction in the midst of the most absolute chaos of my life.
I am not at war or in an armed conflict, but the problem is evident. We can all see it, feel it, and it affects us in total ways. Now then, do you know what is difficult to stop feeling? Hope. I do not know if I suffer from some kind of anxiety or from an uncontrollable urge to be without doing anything, but sometimes the need for stimulation overwhelms me in ways I cannot explain with words. This post is born as the culmination of my last walk through my city to calm my impulses and at the same time give an artistic meaning to the accumulation of sensations I carry inside me.
Is it emotion, joy, fear (yes, even more)? I do not have the answers. In this community I read a year ago the confession of a girl who felt an overwhelming need to describe the healing of abandonment that grief causes. And her way of doing it impacted me in such a way that more than a year later, it could be said that this post is partially inspired by her catharsis. Her description and uncontrollable desire to manifest her existentialism. She did not intend to give moral lessons or tell you what to do or not to do. She only described that the incomprehension of a phenomenon that has never been experienced automatically leads to underestimating the dimension of what is being lived. Stop for a moment to analyze that statement, it is powerful.
Yesterday I stopped to talk with my partner and we were chatting about the possibility of a future for my daughter. Ten years old is the age she has today, now. In my mind she is still a beautiful, defenseless baby who needs my protection like a jealous mother. But objectively, her growth and development are becoming more and more evident. Which leads me to think about her future, her possibilities, her longings and dreams. I hope I can give her the stability so she can pave her path and defeat the statistics and negative possibilities that overwhelm our population, especially the youngest. From the ashes toward a better destiny is the lesson I want her to recognize and respect. If you will, my legacy from mother to daughter, from woman to woman; from loving to being loved. I hope I am up to it, I hope I am capable of giving everything I did not have and could not have. Not only in the human sense, but I also hope our country can give us a little less uncertainty and a little more calm, certainty, and a better destiny. For her, for all the children of today who will be the adults of tomorrow… I hope.
