I decided a long time ago to let go of this particular habit but I recently did. Sometimes, words don't stop one from a habit but action does. Intentionally making it a priority, one has to be determined to quit a certain habit that does not align with his or her priorities.
I recently let go of my annoying habit of saying “YES” to every request that is asked of me. I go out of my way to make people comfortable, happy, satisfied, all at my own detriment. Pleasing people, proving myself useful, avoiding any conflict or arising conflict are some of my blind reasons for not saying NO.
Holding on to that habit cost me time, exhaustion, and overcommitment. That habit stole my peace of mind, it made me spend unnecessarily, I lost my focus on what truly mattered to me. Imagine putting your life on hold just to fulfill someone else's request, worst of all is that most people only come to you when they need help.
Saying NO can be hard sometimes especially when the people who request your assistance are family or close friends.
In February this year, at a meeting, I was assigned to make peppered beef. I initially accepted as always but my child wasn't feeling too well so I later declined. But the president of the meeting took it that I disrespected her by declining. She even offered to send her helper to assist me hold my child while I make the pepper meat. I rejected the offer without remorse. How important can prepping the meat be that I would choose to do it over caring for my child? They have been enjoying my service until now, the truth is that I now understand how important it is to decline an offer, not to make accepting requests a norm. There was gossip about my refusal amongst the members but I was glad I rejected that request because it opened my eyes on how people perceive you when you choose NO and also made them know that I have a limit to things I can accommodate.
And that was how I started my journey of rejecting some offers that did not align with my priorities. I choose only commitment that aligns with my priorities while bearing in mind that saying NO is not being unkind even though they might see me as an unkind person.
Letting go of the need to please everyone created emotional, physical and mental space for me. It gave me a level of respect. Two of the people that called themselves my friends, they haven't been keeping in touch for more than 6-7 years but right now they are planning to get married. Without asking me they included me in their committee's of friends group, requesting we contribute the sum of 50k for something they call “Asoebi” (same type of outfit that everyone in the group would put on for the wedding). I left the group without thinking twice, a few months ago one of them called me. We exchanged pleasantries and then she began to apologise for not telling me before including me to the group. I accepted the apology but declined coming for the wedding. After that day we never spoke again. She already made her intentions known to me by her actions and deleted herself from my life because of me saying NO to her.
Is it just me? I think I am beginning to enjoy the freedom of saying NO, in fact it seems NO is helping me choose my friends, it's helping shape my life and it's helping me figure out those who truly care for me.
To me minimalism means more than owning less, it means freedom from things or people that drain my energy, people who want to always use me and steal my peace. It is an intentional and conscious decision to fill my days with only that which truly adds value to my life. This time I am clearing clutter not just from my space but from my schedule and mind.
I have learned that in saying NO to others, I am saying YES to my peace, my comfort and time. In practicing minimalism, I have realised that simplicity starts with setting boundaries that aligns with my values.
Image is mine