Doing the right thing based on my principles, and doing the right thing based on empathy and good will, are surprisingly two vastly different things in my life! Anyone else?
One principle: I do not often purchase items for the heck of it. This is because I do not like wastefulness, the environmental damage, or the way consumerism has become a part of so many daily interactions. Buying just for the sake of buying.
Here, you buy a card for graduations, promotions, engagements, baby showers, easter, birthdays, Christmas, bereavement support, retirements...
Nor does the paper from gift wrapping. Each year after Christmas, many homes are a massacre of shredded paper, hastily discarded carboard, and small plastic ties that you will find for the next month. All the unboxed objects are often highly impractical.
It's fun! I get it, everyone else in my life thinks it's fun. I'm the killjoy who finds a crossroads at Christmas. Is the way people feel shunned by my lack of participation worth it, just to feel I did some small part? Cause I'll face it, I'm not changing a thing, really.
That is the harder issue when prioritizing environmentally friendly practices and/or healthier personal boundaries. It's not our peers that are the direct problem, that would be corporations.
This is my small haul from the bougie thrift store near my house. I call it such, because many items are still 4-8 dollars there. We also bought 4 new items, spending roughly 100 USD total. Last year, we spent probably 400 USD. Just because we can, does not mean we should, we decided.
We don't need more toys, in fact I need to get rid of some. If I said that out loud to any of my friends, they'd probably have some personal reaction to it, because compared to them, I don't have all that much. Part of that is toy rotation, I keep half of the toys put away, and then swap out periodically.
Why get into tight financial times for a few months, just to buy things we don't need? Buying just enough is really okay, and I hate that American society makes a lot of us feel otherwise!
It's also okay to give away or sell things when you don't need them anymore. A lot of toys I have are geared towards babies, and my son who is almost 1.5 still looks at them with brief interest sometimes, but they are no longer engaging and teaching him anything.
Corporations told people they needed to hold more grand celebrations, that things like Valentine's Day mattered. People liked it, and now it's kind of rude to protest it.
My husband Steve's family likes to do big holidays, something I've never been used to. For my part, I want to be involved in the magic of that. That offering to do traditional family things, is NOT something I want to reject, it's stunningly beautiful!
Time spent with family is invaluable, it transcends the parameters that one may not find ideal in a singular situation. I don't think I'm always smooth at making that choice though. I hesitate and try to finesse my way around doing things in a way that is still true to me...
We bought a few enormous rolls of wrapping paper last year, yet I used it sparingly this year as I wrapped. We have some reusable cloth gift bags, as well as a stack of old school cloth diapers that have been sanitized and are awaiting my move to sell/ gift/ repurpose them. The gifts for the kids are all wrapped in cloth of some sort.
I realized the flat diaper wrapper is kind of cute! Now, I think I will dye them for next year, and make it a mainstay! A sprig of cedar or a bobble really would bring the presentation together... As you can see, this year I didn't even put ornaments on the tree though.
I'm not hosting, and the tree is under constant attack, so I just kept it simple this year. The vibrant glow of the lights at night is really the best part anyhow, isn't it?
As for the fam, Steve's uncle made a great suggestion. Throw names in a hat, and every family unit gets one other family unit to bring a present for. This way, we each buy one gift! I love that, and hope it stays a theme... now to add the second phase of my Christmas Conspiracy...
Basically, all of the women in Steve's family are GREAT at sewing. I'm going to drop a suggestion at Christmas dinner this year, that perhaps we ought to give gifts in reusable gift bags next year. We could all meet somewhere with our machines and whip them up over tea, it could be magnificent!
As for my dad, I suggested I give him an experience instead of an item, and he loved my idea! His car is repugnant, if someone began to steal it successfully, they may change their mind before driving off. It needs a good scrub, and a few vacuum sessions! So, there's his gift!
It's been quite a journey to find the right minimalist practices that work for me. I went all the way extreme and gave away all my belongings, wandering and experiencing... then, eventually I came back to society. Wary, alienated by the same city vibes that I had grown up around.
Then, living very modestly as I raised my second daughter. I was broke, but it hardly mattered. All I wanted to do was stare at Thea when she was born, I couldn't believe my body actually made her! I couldn't believe how healthy and happy she was, I basically obsessed over her for... TBD lol!
Her father and I never had a great relationship, and we basically spent the last year of it breaking up. Gradually, just obviously not a couple by default. It was super awkward.
It was still difficult when we finally verbally split, lots of pain and anger on both sides. Heaps of history. Now, we get along well. I smashed that anger like coal into diamonds, because Thea deserves harmony. And GOODNESS, it is so much easier to be cordial!
I'm really lucky to have been accepted into an awesome family, despite being... I don't know, eccentric? So many minimalist mothers I know talk about the dreaded Evil MIL, who undermines them at every turn. My mother-in-law is nothing like that, thankfully!
My son is her first grandchild, and he has been such a great source of joy to her from the day she found out I was pregnant. She wants to dote on him, and I try not to be overbearing about my war on items because of that. It makes her happy to gift him little things.
She's awesome about checking in though, and I like to think we find a good common ground between our two strong desires for semi-opposite things. It is great to have a dynamic relationship with someone, where mutual respect for boundaries is a high priority!
The Minimalist Community just celebrated their anniversary! To commemorate, we were given a few fun prompts in this contest. I wanted to address basically all of the prompts in my own little way!
I decided that a focus on the challenges of holidays made the most sense, with many denominations celebrating in the winter season. I'd be willing to bet that no matter your culture or religion, the holidays are probably a struggle for most minimalists!
Reinventing some traditions to fit my principles, where possible, is also a great source of happiness for me. I'm excited to find the ways that this works for both my family, and me, as the years go by! 😁 That's one thing I know is always true about minimalism, it keeps evolving!
All of the photos in this blog are property of the author, taken with a basic phone camera. Snowflake divider is free to use, courtesy of The Kitty Girl, who prefers not to be tagged, but still deserves credit! Many great free to use dividers and graphics can be found on the terminal discord server!