Transformation of thoughts

Transformation is something fundamental in my life. It is something that has been shown to us, perhaps not in a comprehensive way, but through small actions or activities that were instilled in us even as children. I clearly remember that when I started kindergarten, we were asked to crumple up colored paper into little balls, which we would then stick onto a drawing to give it a kind of relief.

I feel like I remember it so clearly because, for me, that little kindergarten activity taught me that sometimes things have to be broken down in order to become something a little more beautiful or even more meaningful. In that case, it was no longer just crepe paper, but became a drawing that looked like it was made in 3D, a small activity that I have thought about a lot in my adult life.

So, just like those drawings I used to make as a child, I am very aware that there are things about myself that need to be transformed, and that they are very necessary fundamental changes for me to grow mentally and emotionally. One of those things I have struggled with all my life, you could say, is negative thoughts and the bad habit of disguising them as realism or excusing them with anxiety.

To begin with, I must say that I think having a positive mind is very beneficial for physical and mental health. I am aware of how powerful the mind is and that we end up believing the things we repeat to ourselves so often. But on the other hand, my mind, which seems to have a life of its own, thinks that in order to prepare for what is coming or may come, it is necessary to evaluate options that are not so positive, or to fill the mind with possible catastrophic scenarios.

So sometimes (much more often than I should), I find myself increasing my anxiety level by repeatedly thinking about negative things. How did I notice this? Well, I didn't really consider it until my husband, who spends a lot of time with me, told me that sometimes it discouraged him that I unconsciously always thought about something that could go wrong. And beyond the belief that the worse scenarios you imagine, the more you will enjoy something going right, the truth is that these thoughts don't just affect me.

Dealing with them is not always going to be easy for me, but I do want to transform them most of the time, because that will help my nervous system stay calm, allow me to enjoy the good times and good results, and also prevent me from discouraging others with my negative comments. So for me, although physical transformations are super important, I believe that mental transformations, our fears, our bad habits, and our deepest selves, these transformations bring with them a chain of other transformations.

So, my current struggle is one of those things that I want to transform with all my strength, because that will help me to have a slightly calmer life without so much mental burden from that avalanche of negative thoughts, help me to go lighter on this path that already has its complications, and I hope that in the long run, with effort, I will be able to manage my anxiety every day and contribute to others not feeling anxious because of me.