Honestly, I don't feel comfortable giving response to this first #kiss prompt but everything in me that wants growth chose this prompt, I need to and I have to face what I'm most afraid of to grow. This might sound a bit too dramatic for a prompt asking about my realizations when I am away from noise or distractions but it's really not.
More than I want to admit, I've always avoided what my life would look like away from distractions, most of those times though, I don't even get the chance to find a time without distractions as someone who is always busy helping out or pleasing the people around me.
Into this year, I choose to start choosing myself more than I had ever did. What I wasn't prepared for was everything I'll start to hear when I have intentionally reduced the distractions around me. As someone who would doomscroll all day, the distractions got very intense just before the calm.
I realized how noisy my whole life had became from a few videos that began to show up while I was doomscrolling though, so I'm kinda grateful I spent my time on that period of my life. The videos woke me up to my reality than I honestly wanted, I became aware of myself and my mind.
One of the first things I did at that realization was putting my phone aside to have a quiet time with myself, away from noise and focusing on what it is I really wanted to do with my life. Up till now, I've not recovered from all the things I heard in that moment, it was a very difficult 15 minutes.
Yes! Just 15 minutes and I realized just how noisy my life had been to have struggled that much in only 15 mins. I began to see how I would even make my mind not to wander when I want to go to bed so I'll just sleep and live the next day like I've always done, no need to make a change.
Well, in those few minutes to myself after my realization that I needed to reduce distractions;
I heard how I've gotten too comfortable: Comfortable with my fears of not doing something different or hard. Comfortable with seeking approval for every single thing I want to do in my life. Comfortable with the thought that whatever I do on my own accord won't work out.
I heard my mind being restless seeking for what it's used to: The noise, the busyness that isn't yielding much but just a busy lady doing what she is used to with no need for a change. My mind got restless trying to force me to just continue with what I've always enjoyed to do.
I heard the things I needed to give up for a better moment like this: Because I had learned from a speech that we distract ourselves so much that we struggle more with quiet times, so my mind began to list out things I spend my time on too much that if I give up, I'll have quieter moments.
After that 15 minutes of mind battles and a too powerful of a quiet time, I made a resolution to remove distractions one after the other as a sacrifice for my next 15-30 mins in the nearest future to be more quieter and filled with better ideas that will help me grow. That led me to take a detox on my watchlists and even my song list.
Nowadays, when distractions end, I hear ideas on how to better my next day than today is. I hear ideas of how to live in more content and still wanting more that won't take my peace away. I hear ideas to deal with people better and grow healthy relationships. I hear how to love myself.
Image used are mine.