I didn't know it had a name (People pleasing) until someone pointed it out to me after watching how I behaved for a while. We didn't relate much with each other but I was shocked when he came to me one day to have a word with me. I can still remember his words as if I heard it just yesterday. He gave a bit of a long talk about letting People Pleasing get the better part of who one is. In his concluding words I can recite anytime, he said...
It's good to help people, it's good to listen to people but never let any of that hinder your growth, your happiness or any aspect of your life
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As true as that can be and I agree with him so much, I still find it hard to abide to. I know I do let this aspect of my life get the better part of me but how to get off it is what seem like an impossible phase to take. I could go a whole day worrying about someone, cry with someone and even spend so much for someone but you'd be shocked that the same someone can't do any of that for another person, talk more of doing it for me. Well, the more shocking aspect is that I can't say NO even when I want to, I'll still give my help when needed.
I've come to realize that I let people's words get to me easily, so easily that I could change a supposed well thought out plan I did into something else that would only favour people and not myself. I tend to find my little happiness in not saying No to others even when I know deep down that I'm going against what I really want to do.
I want to say NO when I don't feel good about what is being asked of me.
But it's so hard that sometimes I unconsciously say YES and get it done before I realize that I wanted to say NO to the request 🤦♀️ it's that bad and this has affected me in so many ways.
My life goals, dreams and happiness are hindered to an extent
I tend to slow down, settle for less and not try so hard because I'm busy pleasing people who I feel mean so much to me. Even those who I barely know tend to abuse this aspect of my life, it's sad when I think about it but any minute from now, if I'm asked to do something against my will, I'll still do it before thinking.
Yeah, I think this is the main thing I'm yet to let go to better my life is the less thinking I have before I do some things that needs to be thought out well first.
I know there are benefits I'm missing out on for pleasing people before I please myself, and I'd love to live my life on my own terms while I have my happiness and share it, not making people happy and having my weird life thoughts after. It's difficult to do but I'd appreciate any thoughts on this.
How do one please people alongside themselves? I think life would be fairer for many that way if it's made possible.