In relationships, the minimalist mindset asks a quiet but serious question: What truly matters between us when everything unnecessary falls away? And my mind went to, what truly matters when things are no longer exciting, when emotions are loud or when the noise is gone? I'll say it's easy to build something around what is visible like attention, chemistry, compliments.
But those things, as beautiful as they may feel, are not foundations. They are additions and yes, they are not bad at all. They are all part of what makes the true essence of our relationship shine more when they happen. That is, what truly matters shine or is evident in our relationships when these beautiful unnecessaries fall away.
When I think unnecessary things in relationships, my mind goes to the constant texting that we mistake for intimacy, the public validation that isn't depth, the physical attraction that is not alignment, potential that is not character and most importantly for me, excitement that is not peace. When these fall away, what remains?
For me, what should truly matter begins on the inside. Who I am on the inside and how I see people from the inside, the same goes for others.
For sometime now, I've been learning more into myself to understand how I think and how to reshape the way I think when I learnt they were not working in my favour especially the negative talks I do to myself even unconsciously. So this prompt came timely for me as I'm just going to state why it truly matters from my perspective.
The state of my heart shapes how I relate so if I am insecure, I interpret everything through fear and if I am grounded, I interpret through clarity. The prompt is like asking me to come as my true self, not an illusion trying to impress. It's like I'm being asked if connections allow me to stay honest about who I am becoming. And then, I ask myself how do I see the other person, if I see them clearly, or I see a version of them that I have created myself.
Character matters deeply to me and this is not about how someone behaves when they are admired but how they behave when no one is watching. I've been trying to be intentional about how I act when no one is watching, I want same for others I relate with. How they speak about others and how they handle disappointment matters. Character is quiet and revealed in small moments, not grand gestures (unnecessaries).
Consistency is another essential I'm intentional making a part of my days. Sometimes, what truly matters is not intensity or occasional bursts of attention but a steady presence, that is someone who shows up the same way over time. Consistency builds trust because it removes guessworks, those can be so quite frustrating.
And then there is Peace, my top on the list.
Do I feel calm around them or am I constantly trying to manage my emotions after our excitement? I had to ask myself this and I realized that peace is not boredom (absence of excitement) but emotional safety and being able to sit in silence without tension. I think peace tells the truth about relationship compatibilities in a way that excitements can never tell.
Recently, I noticed how easy it is to let imagination fill in gaps when clarity is missing and to build stories where there are only small interactions. I had to pause and ask myself whether I was connecting to reality or to possibility. This prompt reminded me of that moment and when I removed the imagined version, what was left was just character, consistency and how I felt in quiet moments.
When everything unnecessary falls away, what remains should feel steady, honest, and peaceful. If it does not, then perhaps it was never essential to begin with and I'm learning to accept that.
Images used are mine.