Absence (noun)
/ˈabs(ə)n(t)s/
the state of being away from a place or person.
When we hear absence, we mostly associate it with people. But absence could also mean being away from chaos, fear, noise, familiar spaces, bad habits/routines and even social media.
Absence of these things can translate into peace, freedom, clarity, self awareness and sometimes just stillness.
Let me share a story.
You might want to get used to my stories. Sharing a part of my life and similar experiences is the best way to express myself and connect with readers. So, back to the story.
I used to be a chronic Twitter user (now X). I was addicted to the app, the conversations, the banter and chaos. I joined the app shortly after my graduation from high school in 2018. I had just started discovering myself, away from the strict perusal of my parents. I began forming my political and social ideologies. One of these things was feminism. Twitter was a place for me to learn and connect with likeminds.
Overtime, I realized something interesting. Most of the opinions I thought were mine turned out to be someone else’s. I took a step back, deeply analyzed my stance on certain topics and questioned them. I couldn’t provide answers because they weren’t mine. They belonged to an Ugo, a Nana and an Obi. The epiphany dawned on me like a violent wind. It was at that moment I made the decision to let the app go, together with my account and the conversations.
After I left, I started using my brain 😂. The absence brought peace in my mind and clarity in my thoughts. It was my form of healing. A lot of ideologies were abandoned without fear of being cancelled. It was no longer about people agreeing with me. It was about what I believed in.
In this age, social media has grown to be toxic. Not intentionally, but an inevitable consequence of constant human connection behind the camera. Young people have become more anxious, agitated and unhappy with their lives. There’s no more contentment for the little things or even big things they have just because someone on TikTok has better. GenZs are throwing logic, morals and caution in the bin in a bid to live a certain lifestyle. The sense of individuality is lost because everyone now sounds alike, dresses alike, talks alike and decorate their houses with the same colours and ornaments. I’m not immune to this side of social media so I detach myself frequently from the chaos by uninstalling the apps.
Whenever I get overwhelmed by the noise online, I take a step back to breathe again. The break usually spans from two weeks to a months. During these breaks, I realize how peaceful it can be to be away from the screen and endless scrolling. What remains after the absence of social media for me is authenticity, peace and time for more meaningful activities and real life interactions. Not to forget, a healthy sleeping schedule and zero migraines. The absence reminds me of what truly matters and the whys behind my actions. I call it a detox.
Absence is necessary. The world is so fast paced and a lot of times we get lost in it while trying to catch up. The stillness you need doesn’t necessarily have to be from being away from social media like me. It could be absence of toxic people and relationships, absence of clutter, absence of fear and imposter syndrome, absence of noise, absence from certain spaces and lots more. At the end of the day, it comes down to everyone’s mental headspace and what is needed at the moment for sanity.
If you feel overwhelmed, I can share some tips that have been helpful in the past which I believe can help you too. The first thing I do is to remove the source of that feeling. It could be work, a task, a relationship or social media. Take a deep breath, a cold or hot shower, whichever you prefer and just sit in the silence for a few minutes. Do something that you actually enjoy doing. It could be taking a walk, reading a novel, watching a sitcom, cooking or sleeping. In that instant, do everything to relax your nerves and push any source of stress and doubt to the back of your mind. Just live in that moment and relax. Sometimes in order to declutter mentally, we need to declutter physically so let go of things you no longer need in your space. Dispose empty bottles, old clothes and faded jewelry. It might appear small but it helps. You can only find out if you try.
In this phase, be easy on yourself and understand that there is beauty in letting go, permanently or for a short period of time. And always remember, the world doesn’t require a detailed reason for choosing yourself.
It’s okay not to be up to date with social media gossip.
It’s okay to detach from people who are harmful to your mental health.
It’s okay to abandon an environment that weighs you down.
It’s okay to be selfish and choose yourself.
Thank you for reading 🤍
If you’d like to connect or collaborate, feel free to reach out on Instagram:
🔗 @estella.
Grace. Growth. Greatness. ✨