Every time I look back to my life and compare it to now, things have changed in my lifestyle and being mindful of what I do, how I live my life and who I decide to come into my life has had a big transformation in who I am now.
Looking back, I have always said yes to everything even when I did not feel like it because I wanted to please those people who came around, making myself seen as the cheerful giver of money, time and resources. These things have drained me so much especially with those who do not value my presence but want to extort from me because they know I wouldn't say no to their request — to them, I am that merciful girl who prioritises their lives to mine.
It took me over 2 years to finally understand what I have been putting myself into, trying to please other people while I try to run around sorting myself out later. That moment someone comes to me for help and knowing that is the last one on me but decide to give because of how they would paint their problems, and because I feel they have a bigger problem than mine at that moment, I would give them, only to realise what a fool I have been as I would start to run around looking for where to get money to settle myself.
There are some people that I have decided to ignore no matter how ugly they present their problems as I have understood that you cannot help everyone. Not everyone are going through a problem as they would lie about it.
Some will take advantage of you, and this, I have learnt for a while now. Seeing my decision to put a stop to such a lifestyle of pleasing everyone, I have seen that big change in my life and one I do not need to worry about.
Reflecting on how my generous lifestyle intersects with minimalism and how it has impacted my life has been nothing but my consciousness and determination to let go of some things through decluttering and making a new change in my finances and lifestyle.
Being intentional in my giving as minimalism is concerned has made me develop some positive effects along the line and here I will be sharing them with you all.
Discerning: Discernment is like knowing the right from the wrong and being able to do what is best for you. With this effect, I have been able to make wise and thoughtful judgments about who I give to.
Recently, I got a message from a total stranger requesting I give her a loan to treat herself for sickness. I didn't know this lady and how she got my number was surprising to me. Normally, using such an excuse of being sick could have made me believe and send it to her because of my soft heart, I immediately told her I didn't have it and that was the truth. I couldn't see myself helping someone when I had responsibilities to attend to at that point.
Such a person might not return the money, making me look like a fool to be quick to grant her request without thinking it first.
Refining my social circle: You would agree with me that not all people are in your life for the best, some come to take from you and not give back and it hurts when you find out that people are only there because you have it and when you don't have, they disappear.
Sitting down to rethink my generous lifestyle and one where I don't think before doing it, I have come to disassociate myself from those who do not give their time and energy to me but drain me of my resources and time. If there is something I ever wanted from people, it is to nurture meaningful relationships with them just as I do, but not everyone deserves your time and energy.
The last time I spoke with my younger sister, we talked about friends who could lend us some amount of money and I quickly told her she is my friend in that regard as I had to think about those I could run to for help but finding none, it makes me sad. Well, I am grateful for the online space I am where I have a few friends who I can always run to and would be willing to help.
Developing healthier boundaries: I have learnt to say "no" to those who drain my resources and disrespect my time. This is something I have struggled with for a long time where I keep saying yes and not value my time all because I want to make other people happy while I am trying to catch up with things I don't have which I have without thought given out.
This is not me saying I don't like giving, but giving wisely and knowing the right ones to give is what matters. Not the ones who will make you regret your actions because the next time you will hear from them is when they need your assistance and such a thing would make you think if you are serious with your life too.
With all these positive effects, a lot has changed, from being at peace with myself to having a few people who are truly intentional about my friendship with them and seeing that big difference in my finances.
All images belong to me