The tingling pain in my heart as a result of fear is all I can feel now, funny enough, the fear is not about me, but I’m finding a way to make the fears disappear permanently because it was not supposed to be there in the first place, but I care too much about… others.
One person whom I hold dear to my heart made a decision that may end up with not too good consequences at the long run, and I found myself scared for the possible outcomes, however, I am learning not to care too much about people that do not even love themselves as much.
Minimalism wants us to love ourselves, and love people genuinely, but not at the detriment of our own peace, so, I am my choosing my peace so my heart will stop getting scared for situations that are not mine.
I was at home when I suddenly got a call from this person. She spoke with a voice too low to not realize that something was wrong, so, I asked her what happened. At first, she didn’t want to say anything, but she eventually opened up. Her potential life partner was having a relationship with her best friend who was also her roommate.
I didn’t believe it at first because I know the partner as a friend, and the roommate, I’ve also known her for a very long time, but I didn’t know they could do such a thing, so, I asked her how she found out, and she sent me proofs. The chats they exchanged were so damning, and all I could say was “wow”!
The part that shocked me the most was both of them saying a lot of things behind her back and it made me feel so nauseous and angry. I was going to call both of them and ask why they did that, but she didn’t want me to because “it would feel like she was reporting them around and that she was mature enough to handle them by herself”, so, I backed out, but not without asking her what she would do.
She asked what I would do if it was me, and I said, I would back out of both the friendship and the relationship so that they can both enjoy each other, and I’ll be at peace to which she responded “Okay”.
This year, they got married. I mean she got married to the same man and the said roommate was also her best lady on her day. Whatever was going on in her head, I honestly have no idea, but anytime I think about the decision she took despite seeing all those, I fear for her.
The fear of her living in the middle of people that do not actually like her, the fear of her getting hurt just so they could continue their relationship, the fear of envy in the heart of her supposed best friend for her, and so many things. How could she even live with someone she doesn’t trust?
Oh, I think I worry too much about the people that do not care as much about their lives. I have seen similar situations that didn’t end well, and I think that’s why the pain in my chest is lingering. However, one thing I need to do now, is to stop worrying about the people that do not love themselves as much.
If they hate themselves so much to put themselves permanently in harm’s way, I should not be the one to bear the headache on their behalf. So, I am learning to love people, but just at the same level of love they have for themselves.
Images are mine.