“I like you. Can I be your friend?” the lady at the pharmacy asked me. She has been seeing me around and had never engaged me. I don’t form close bonds with anybody around there, but we talked every time I needed to get some medications since she’s the owner of the pharmacy.
Whatever prompted her to ask for my number and wanting to be my friend, I have no idea, but she said it anyway. I couldn’t say no to her directly, but there was a way I did say no, and that’s by avoiding her. I’ve completely avoided going to her pharmacy or even walking past the place. Rather, I would find an alternative long route, and another pharmacy far from where I stay.
Friendship, to the minimalist me is not about quantity, but the quality. What I lack in having many friends, I found in the loyalty and simplicity of the few ones I have, and one thing is I choose my friends based on some certain and perceived features which she lacked, but there was no way I could express that to her. So, instead of leading her on, and have a fall off later, I would rather not start at all.
Friendship to me is beyond going out every weekend, having fun, showing off, and all, and that is why I do not have any friend that does that. It’s beyond the surface for me, and that’s why when I counted my friends, I realized how small my circle has gotten.
As an undergraduate, I had many friends. Many people wanted to be close to me because of what they gained, but I let them because I wanted to give them what they needed too. I also wanted to see their efforts in maintaining the relationship after they’ve gotten what they needed, but it got chaotic because I wouldn’t let their “live beyond means lifestyle” influence mine.
I fell apart with a friend few years ago because I couldn’t keep up with some of her expectations of me. She was getting married, and the expenses was not something I could afford. I was earning way less than all the amount I had to spend on clothing, travel and feeding for a day party, but she wanted me to dedicate about 4 months’ salary just for her wedding.
I understand it was a happy day for her, but the luxury of spending unaccountably, I do not have it, and trust me, being friends with that kind of person is a huge responsibility that the minimalist me cannot understand, and that is one of the challenges I face in keeping friends.
I value friendships based on authenticity, honesty and simplicity, and that is why to people, it seems like I cut people off easily when I find it hard to even make friends in the first place. However, that’s not the case. It is just that for a minimalist like me, if the relationship is not based on mutual growth and development, then, I am not there.
Images are mine.