People Are Not Furniture

_{”You don't even have to be ’toxic’ to find yourself cut out of a loved one’s life. It's enough that you don't spark joy.”}

-Unknown

There's something I have been doing wrong for quite some time, even before I discovered minimalism and it's tenets. It was an aspect of my life that I had been misunderstanding for a while. It came as an ah-ha moment when recently, one of my friends said, “You are too quick to judge, too quick to cut people off.”

I went on the defensive when he said this. “No, I'm not quick to do all those things.” He merely shrugged his shoulders at me and that was the end of that conversation. But what he said stayed with me and when I went home, it stuck with me till I just had to ponder on it. I did a deep reflection on all my relationships with people, especially the ones that had ended for some time. I noted whom and what had ended these relationships and most of the cutting off and breaking ties were done by me. One truth about me that I dislike to admit is that I'm opinionated, hot-headed and always wanting people to agree with me. I always love to think that I'm right but much as I hate to admit it, I know nothing compared to the vast amount of knowledge and experience out there in the world.

Some of the reasons why I cut ties with some people were actually valid because my self-esteem and self-worth were being torn into bits. But some other ties that I cut off were merely because these people held different beliefs and values from mine. And I thought they weren't needed. Most times, we think we only have to be surrounded with like-minded people and that's good in itself. But, we also need people who don't think the same way we do. Why? Because it is important for us to view things by going full circle. After all, when metals bang, sparks fly. Anyway, when I discovered minimalism, I misunderstood it and felt happy because I thought I had found a lifestyle to justify and validate my cutting off people. If I felt this person was adding no value to me, I cut them off. If that person had a different mindset from mine, I cut them off. And I always thought I was right for doing that. Until it happened to me.

This time around, I was on the receiving end. Someone cut me off. This person was close to me and one of the friends I held in high esteem. He was an intellectual of sorts and I loved rubbing minds with him. But one day, he stopped communicating with me. At first I thought he was probably busy dealing with life. But when it dragged on for days, I texted him to ask what was wrong. And he told me that he just wanted to stop talking to me, that I added no value to him. It was crazy and it hurt like hell when I heard that. I thought that maybe I had done something wrong to him, but he told me I had done nothing. He just didn't want to be friends anymore. I came to the realization just then about how it might have hurt the people I had cut off because of mere reasons of disagreement. I could finally relate to the hurt they might have felt when I decided to stop rolling with them. I could see clearly now.

Yes, minimalism tells us about the need for deeper connections with people but it doesn't necessarily mean cutting off people who don't offer this kind of connection. It doesn't need to mean fewer people in your life. What minimalism emphasizes on is focusing on the relationships that are genuine and meaningful to us. People are not furniture or clothes to be tried on, used and discarded when of no use. They are humans with feelings, emotions and beliefs just like me. Yes, there are some relationships that only has superficial value. Sometimes, we focus on breadth instead of depth while building connections. And that's why I use a technique called tagging and filtering. I have made a list of the people in my life and tagged them under family, loved ones, friends, acquaintances e.t.c Each of this people serve their different purposes in my life but I know the relationships I need to sustain_the ones that have the depth and connection I crave for. I know who truly matters and why they do. I also reevaluated the reasons for why I should let go of people and I came to a conclusion that it shouldn't be for reasons like holding different beliefs or not coming to an agreement on a particular thing.

Moving forward, I have started implementing this principle on the emotional and mental aspect of my life. And I'm glad for the sense of clarity and intentionality I feel now. It's refreshing.

Thanks for reading.✨