Last week, one of my friends decided to start a blog on her Facebook page. Her ideas for the blog was to tell her personal stories and experiences and then highlight the lessons she learnt from such. I gave her my support all the way because I know how much more knowledge one can gain when you decide to learn from other people's experiences. Yesterday, she made her first post and talked about how sometimes the words we speak unintentionally to other people affects them. When I read her post, it left me pondering deeply on the magnanimity and power of the term “Words”.
As minimalists, we always talk about how we take pride in being selective of who we allow into our lives, how much or less we let things or people's thoughts affect us, and how we take pride in decluttering mentally, physically and emotionally. But then, I thought of how we portray ourselves to people in our words, thoughts or actions towards them. Of course, we love and live the lifestyle of minimalism but have we thought of the possibility that we might be sources of clutter to other people? I'm relating this possibility to the things we say to other people. Sometimes, we make offhand comments to other people without ever thinking of the effects it might have on other people. Our intent might not be to cause harm_”we might have just been saying our minds”_ but the aftereffects of such words might cause harm to them.
Before I started the practice of minimalism, I always had to deal with consciously thinking through and being selective of the words I speak to people. It was and still is not an easy task to carry out because sometimes, my mouth moves faster than my mind and I am already blurting out things before really thinking them through. I became aware of this when I was having a conversation with a friend. I noticed a peculiar feature about him and I made an offhanded comment about it to him. My intent was not to cause harm. I was just saying what I had noticed. But he became sort of quiet and I noticed his mood had changed. I was still oblivious to the fact that it was my comment that had hurt him. So, when I asked the reason for his mood swing and he said it was because of my comment, I was shocked. I was about to go on the defensive when I actually took a step back to think. It wasn't me that was hurt here, but I was about to play the victim card on top someone else’s anger. So, I immediately apologized. That triggered the start to being selective and sure of when to leave things unsaid. I didn't need to always say my mind or what I thought to people especially when I didn't know the effects my words might have on them mentally or emotionally, therefore causing mental clutter to them.
I was going through an old notebook yesterday when I saw some tips I had jotted when making a research about the power of words and when to leave things unsaid. A therapist named Sara Kuburic had listed out nine instances where it was better to leave things unsaid. I will list them out below.
When the person is not ready to receive feedback.
When it won't make a difference.
When it can hurt someone unnecessarily.
When there is an alternative.
When speaking doesn't align with your role in the relationship.
When it goes against the boundaries the person has set.
When it will make things worse.
When we don't know the person/situation well enough.
When speaking is motivated by revenge.
Noting these instances, I have related them to times I have spoken when I shouldn't have and the aftermath of my words. Most of the time, it didn't end well. The reception of my words wasn't smooth, therefore causing some sort of emotional and mental disturbance to the person to whom my words were directed at.
So, I have added this to my principles of minimalism. I should take a step back and assess situations or people before speaking to avoid being a source of clutter to people unintentionally.
Thanks for reading.✨
All images are mine.