As a parent, it's normal to feel like we need to fix things for our kids. That when they come to us with a problem, that they obviously want us to solve it, to step in and come up with a solution. It's certainly something that I have felt like doing. No one wants to see their children suffer and often when they come to us with a problem, we jump in rather quickly with our opinions and our solutions. It's almost like a reflex, like it's expected.
Or so we have been led to believe.
As a parent I try to be pro active, with my kids. It's important to me, that they know that I am there for them, that they can come to me whenever they need to. But in my 16 years of parenting, I have come to realise, that sometimes, less is best. Our kids don't always need solutions, not from us anyway. What's most important, is that we make space to hear them. To hold back from sharing our opinions and instead, give them the time to talk through what has happened and then, come up with the solution themselves.
I'm not saying that we shouldn't share our thoughts, but just wait to be asked. I discovered, that if we actually just listen and not interfere, our kids tend to come up with their own solutions. Which is very empowering for them.
I have also learnt, that sometimes when my girls are upset, that what they need the most, is to be given some space. For me to once again, take a step back. It is not easy, let me tell you. My automatic reaction, is to try and make things better, I mean isn't that what parents are meant to do? But if we did, they would be missing out on a lot of growth.
I'm not saying to ignore your child, of course don't do that. Instead tell them that you are there if they need you, don't press them for information or to share their emotions. Give them space to feel, to process. Because a huge part of any healing, is being allowed to feel. When we try and step in, our presence, can cause them to shut down.
Again this is not easy and I still struggle with it sometimes. The best we can do for our kids, is hold space for them when they need it and then to actually give them space, to figure their own shit out. When I became a parent for the first time, I knew wanted to be a hands on parent, but with time I realised, that our greatest gift to them is our presence, our love, something they should feel even when we are not there.
So for me, minimalism and parenting go hand in hand, because when we step back (in the right circumstances of course), they step up. At the end of they day, our children need to find their own way, because that is the most empowering way. We us on the sidelines, holding space and cheering them on.
( All photos used in this post are mine. )
