About a year ago a friend of mine paid me a visit at my home for the very first time, and what he saw and noticed kind of made him perceive me in a different light; he was of the opinion that my way of life is depriving me of an opportunity to enjoy life to the fullest. He was my colleague and has always been someone who likes to show off, get the latest of almost everything, and the like, and seeing that I'm almost about the same age as him, he expects I should be doing the same, and when I'm not, rather than try to accept it's my kind of person, instead he believes it's a flaw that needs to be corrected.
Prior to his visit to my home, he had been noticing these but couldn't wrap his head around us, but visiting my home kind of confirmed it. I mean, he was expecting to see all sorts of home appliances and amenities most young men have in their homes, such as a home theater and the like, but instead he saw the place was just spacious with few items stacked at different angles, and these made me say I'm being too rigid with myself.To him, I'm only all about saving the money I earn and not spending it on what he believes is necessary, and also not an outgoing person like him. According to him, I'm being too stingy because I live a lifestyle that revolves around owning less, choosing simpler options, and avoiding unnecessary extras. In a nutshell, he felt I'm depriving myself of of what life has to offer.
How it concluded...
Rather than start defending myself by lecturing him about minimalism, instead I chose calm honesty, whereby I simply explained that what to him seems like lack is actually to me clarity. I also let him know my choices weren't a result of being rigid or stingy but about keeping my mind and space free. And even though at the end we still didn't really agree, I can say for a fact that we had some form of understanding, especially when I showed him a project I was embarking on (building my house), rather than spending and acquiring unnecessary things that clutter my space. Conclusively, we got to a point where he had to admit my approach works for me, as his works for him.
The Takeaway...
That experience plays a huge role in reminding me of the human tendency to judge other people's habits through the lens of their own values, which would in a way justify their views, but the truth is that what he saw as less is to me all about making room for more of what matters, whereby my habit tells a story of my desire for balance and intentionality and not deprivation.
and overall I've come to learn to stay truer to what keeps me in check than chasing after people's validation, especially those who may never understand my perspective.
I've come to understand that our values don't need to match for us to coexist. I mean, come to think of it, they feel full with more, while on the other hand, I feel full with less, and both are valid; we just need to respect our individual differences.
Minimalism doesn't make me less ambitious; it instead helps me stay focused and free from distraction.
These criticisms are no longer seen in a bad light to me; in fact, I see them as a mirror, because what they call a flaw, to me, is my strength.
All photos are mine.