Minimalism plays a role in everything I do, and I only realise this from the prompts and my ability to pause and think about how my life has been recently and the decisions I've made.
Over the past few weeks, I've suffered from the mental torture that comes with not doing anything for a long period of time. Ever since I turned 20, all I've done is struggle from one choice to another and try twice as hard to make my decision make sense to me and the people around me.
I've had a life filled with options just like everyone else however, it has always seemed like I've had to justify my decisions a lot more than my siblings have had to. I've needed to create success quickly or face judgement and criticism from my parents.
At every point, I've realised that I need to be on my toes and just be productive just to prove that the choices I've made aren't biting me in the ass. It's like there has been a weight on my shoulders that I constantly have to carry because the moment I let it down, I'll be faced with a truckload of "I told you so".
Over the last 3 or 4 weeks, I decided to just stop stressing and simply live. The mental torture of always needing to be busy and creating some success has been eating me alive so I decided to just let it all go.
I haven't recorded any success in the last 2 months and the thought of being the failure my parents fear I'll become has been tearing me apart but I realised that I can't live with this fear anymore and if I'm being honest, I've completely lost track of my propose in a quest to just stay afloat.
I began this shedding process by first realising that immigrating wouldn't be the solution to my problems. That was a heavy load I had to shed and letting it go gave me room to let go of more things like my quest to always be busy, setting deadlines for things that don't require close deadlines and feeling terrible when I don't achieve these things.
I had to let go and simply enjoy life. I'm fortunate to not have money problems because I focus on the basics and if those are satisfied, everything becomes secondary. By putting everything that causes me strife at bay, I've found the space to simply pause and think without the baggage of expectations holding me back.
I still haven't realised what my purpose could be but that's okay, I'm not giving myself a deadline for this one and if every day I can fulfil a simple task of writing, I know I can take e as much time as I need to truly find what gives me the kind of joy I seek
