Editing these beautiful foggy pictures gave me the inspiration to write this post. While looking at them I wondered. I felt joy and sorrow. When we delete pictures do we really also delete the moment, the person that we shared that moment with? Why saying goodbye hurts? Why love hurts? Why sometimes saying goodbye can save you from the opposite of love? Why loving someone can profoundly heal you in a way that makes you forget all of the past wrong doings? So many questions and we all try to search for the answers while still going to a job, paying the bills and figuring out what we want to do with our lives at the beginning of the year. A bit too much overthinking for a couple of foggy pictures?….
Oh boy here we go in this mined territory. I know that just the simple muttering of the word love might trigger some intense feelings in most of those who will be reading this post. For some of us we feel elation, joy and bliss. For others we are faced with a rush of cynicism and bitterness: who believes in love anyway after getting screwed so many times? And for others love is something out of reach. Does it even exist ?Last time I looked around even snail families were getting a divorce. You get my point, the statistics about marital happiness are not at an all time high right now. But somehow humans seem to have an intense desire for the experience that love promises that we see people who had three divorces walk down the aisle for the forth time filled with hope and intense emotions.
I don’t have it figured it out. Ooops this article will not shed a light on love. Does is really exist? Is it the secret ingredient that will make our life complete and happy? I don’t know.
Hm...you have probably never been in love my lady if you write like this…
I have been. We all know how sweet beginnings feel. It is like a fresh format delete of all the previous trauma with a new software installation, giving sweet promises of real defence and lack of malware. More simply put: falling in love feels good. But I do not believe that sweet beginnins guarantee happy endings.
Saying goodbye to someone you love while knowing that a relationship with that person will only cause you further misery is also love. You can choose to love someone at their core and let them go because their unhealed trauma will take you down with them in the nasty pits of toxic Mordor. Love is not enough yet we are being sold the idea that it is. Alladin seems all cute flying around with his magic carpet to schmooze Jasmine but there was no sequel to their story as in does he ever buy her a house, pays the mortgage and doesn’t leave his socks on the floor? A woman can get pretty tired and bored by only going on dates on a flying carpet…
Love as in a loving relationship is work. Boy it is a hell lot of work! After the hormone party is done you need a good Redbull to kick off the senses and get you back from Lala land. Reality sets in. You see flaws. You are seen in your own imperfection. Your pet peeves are your partner’s source of annoyance. What used to be cute at the beginning drives you crazy now. Love? Someone get me out of here as soon as possible, who is this person? In this point you can see who the real person is. How much strenght and stamina do they really possess? How much do they really want a lifetime with you ? At the first stepback do they crumble? Do they throw you under the bus? Do they stick with you or throw you in the recycle bin and not click restore?
Love is a constant risk taking adventurous activity. It is something that happens and also something that is chosen to happen. You will not always feel loving towards your partner and you will have days when you will choose to love this alien that drives you crazy by remembering that today’s worst version of who they are is not who they are entirely.
I think that having genuinely happy loving marriages in today’s world is easier and harder than before. Oh wow now that is a helpful statement! All of this post is a living contrast. Yes. Love is about holding contrast. Today is easy to make love work because all of the information that we have. One click away and you have a full Youtube library to tell you all about how to make your woman happy ( or how to destroy her, pick your pickle). Online therapy for individuals and couples are readily available from the comfort of your home. You can solve a lot of the issues by talking with people who have gone through similar hurdles. Our parents didn’t have that. Yet….it is incredibly easy nowadays to let it all go. Screw it. I will find another one, this human is impossible! Buh bye!
Dating apps make it so easy to think that there is a pool of screaming ladies/men dying to be with a hot chick or hot guy like you. In the swipe culture nobody has the patience to hold a conversation that doesn’t prove to be comfortable. Getting to know someone deeply takes time and a lot of questioning. To put the right question means to have a strong will and a long attention span in order to practice attentive listening. Most of us do not know how to listen. I am included in that category as I still try to do my best at listening to people.
We also live in a society where screens have become like a second partner for plenty of us. It is sad and scary. How can you pay attention to someone genuinely if you are constantly checking your phone? If notifications wake you up? If you have a dozen of dating apps swearing that Cinderella is everywhere and YOU have the option to swipe the nasty frog to the left? We are bombarded with tech that is anti-love. I strongly believe that after a certain point people have to give themselves exclusivity and really put in the effort to clear out the noise and see if they are truly compatible. This requires discipline. But constant screen time destroys inner discipline.
I do not have it figured out.
But it seems like the old couples who used to have the patience to wait, to write handwritten letters, who had no time for TV and who had a more simple life knew how to love in such a way that they died happy and together. They did not wait years until they would get married. They were more decisive and simple. So it seems. I think that there is nothing like feeling loved and loving someone in a romantic way. It is the most unique bond that two people can have and that can create a new life: a baby. The irony of it all is that the easy fruits from the tree of love can be brought to us after hard work. And we have to get over the illusion that it is the other way around: that it is easy work to get to love...
