Phobias are classified, in some sense, as the irrational fear of something. The Greek word "phóbos" means fear. Where the irrational part came in, I am not sure. But most phobias are irrational, to some extent. The fear of spiders, arachnophobia, probably has to do with the fact that they are poisonous and can be life-threatening. Is the fear that irrational? On the other hand, they probably only defend themselves against bigger animals, like us humans, due to us threatening them. So, is their defence that unreasonable? The fact remains, some people have an inherent aversion to things like spiders, especially when they are in your home, your supposed safe space.
When I saw the massive orb web spider behind my compost, in its own territory and not in mine, I felt a strange aversion, but also the need to look. Its beauty, along with the fear it induced in me, lured me. I saw that it only had seven legs, and I felt sad for its loss. But I was also amazed at its will to live.
As I edited the photographs, I felt a strange and uncanny discomfort. Whilst writing these words, seeing the images on my screen, I am feeling that same uncanny discomfort. It feels like I am looking at something I am not allowed to look at, but not in the same sense as witnessing a crime or something along those lines. The feeling is, instead, linked to the deep-seated fear I have for spiders.
My phobia is probably not as strong as others are. I only have a mild fear of them. The idea that it touches me or walks over my hand sends literal shivers down my back. I do not like it. If they remain in the garden, I am fine with it, if they enter my room, my safe space, I feel an uncanny discomfort toward my own safe space.
The spider remained in place behind the compost. It remained in place as I took photographs, not minding this human creature clicking away with its mechanical photography machine.
The beauty of this spider lured me deeper into its web. The uncanny feeling remained, I felt the urge, the pull, to get away, yet I remained moving closer and closer to it. The colours popped on the screen of my camera, the dark and deep black almost sucked me in, deeper and deeper.
Yet the encounter remained friendly. In my mind it was a "NIGHTMARE", but this was only in my mind, the irrational fear of spiders. If I did not disturb it, it would not bite me, it would remain calm and feast on the bugs that it catches.
A long time ago, I read about the benefit of having these spiders in your garden. I never saw them, not knowing if they were in my garden. I always see black widows and rain spiders. But now, I know these are in my garden. In some sense, I am happy. But in other aspects, I am a bit afraid now. The irrational fear...
I left my friend alone. I knew of its existence, and it probably knew of mine. The compost heap is a source of life, attracting birds, spiders, various insects and creepy crawlies, bacteria and mushrooms. It always feels like a small miracle to see so much emerge from a pile of essentially rotting material. Nature is wonderful.
For now, happy photography and keep well.
Stay away from spiders, otherwise, you might get bitten...
All of the writing in this post is my own, unless hyperlinked. The photographs are also my own, taken with my Nikon D300 and Tamron 300mm zoom lens.
