wandering through the endless city
It's been a while since I've walked the streets of the big city, but I often feel that special mood that has accompanied me on my many journeys. Anticipation and excitement have been the motor that has driven me to dive deeper and deeper, and melancholy and desire have pushed me to keep looking and to just let myself drift.
I have probably not yet found what I am actually looking for. If I could at least define correctly where I am drawn to. It would probably be much easier to find the right direction and I could save myself a lot of detours. Not every way leads to our destination, it often leads us even further away from where we are actually going. A heart is so easily influenced and deceived and a soul is so easily weighted down. And even the streets and lights of the city can sometimes be quite heavy, but they can also help you to learn to fly again. Because we all have wings, we've just forgotten how to use them.
And I was flying! Sometimes high up, and sometimes quite low. As low as possible, as if I wanted to glide under every radar. To get to the top, all that we have to do is get rid of these weights, which no one can take off our shoulders.
Often, the fast and relieving rise was followed by an even faster free fall, which could only be slowed down by new hope and new desire. And before I was able to lose, the city had already taken me in again. Yes, we have already embraced each other countless times, intimately and blissfully. And then the wind blew me on, around the next corner and further down the many avenues.
Letting yourself float can have such a liberating effect, and it can release new undreamt-of energies. Planless does not mean aimless, and a lack of expectations can be a hurdle and a help at the same time. My longing may have been contained, but it is far from being satisfied. Time and place will come, and then once more I shall wander. I will feel that I am getting faster and faster, and that I am always one step ahead of my own dreams.
I am ready to fly again...
