Spousal Selectivity:
In an age where media-fed images and ideals about love and romance often dominate and shape our understanding, many people have become unrealistic in their expectations. To expect your partner to meet a predetermined fixed list of criteria is setting yourself up for major disappointment. There is no such thing as a “perfect” match. While attraction and
chemistry is undeniably important, being especially particular about a person’s height, skin color, eye color, hair and bank account is superficial and immature. Compatibility in matters of deen, personality, lifestyle, and future goals are among the most important criteria to look for in a spouse.
“Complete-Me”Confusion:
Many people are of the belief that until they are married they are “incomplete.” Expecting someone else to fill an empty void in you is not only unfair to them but also a disservice to yourself. Your aim should be to work hard on becoming a whole person with the hopes that your life partner has done the same, making your marriage whole; the union of two
“incomplete” people results in a marriage of discord where unfair expectations abound. Furthermore, the prophetic tradition, “When the servant marries, then he has completed half of the deen…” should not be taken out of context to perpetuate this type of thinking. In fact, the second half of the hadith which isn’t quoted as often, “Then let him fear God with regards to the remaining half,” (Saheeh ul-Jaami no.44) really speaks to the point of how important it is to cultivate and refine oneself before even considering marriage