Hi everyone, it's Abeegail again, welcome to my blog. One thing I realize as I grow up is the fact that adults are obsessed with taking over young adults and children autonomy and always want to be in control of young adults lives, especially with african parents.
There's this girl that I go to church with and my mom would always tell me not to mingle with her because she was very disrespectful and would be a bad influence but she was my age group and we were in choir together so it's definitely hard to avoid her completely. What did she do that made her such a bad kid, she asked questions, she didn't just follow things just because someone said so, even if it was an elderly person, she didn't just swallow insults from elders, she strongly believe that respect is reciprocal and that she as a child should be respected too. The more I got to know her the less unreasonable my mom made her seem and the more I secretly admire her.
As an African child, raised by an African parent, in Africa, I can say that as a child or youth you are not to have a voice, think or stand up for yourself, even if you are right. Under the guise of correcting, protecting, guiding they seek gain control and forcefully gain respect. We are just expected to blindly follow what ever we are told, to just take things the way they are whether it's right or wrong.They make it look like they've lived long and they know everything. They never agree that they are human and also capable of making mistakes and their ego never lets them admit it.
When ever we speak up or even ask questions as to why things are the way they are we are immediately classified as disrespectful or a bad child because this challenge their authority in an upside down world. There are so many kids who have not ever made a decision for themselves, not necessarily because they can't, but because their parents have taken it upon themselves to make decisions for them. So kids are not doing what they love because of their parents control.
And after grooming a submissive child, who isn't expected to have a voice, they just thrust the child into the real world expecting the young adult to just figure it out on their own, when you haven't even given this child the chance to fail or to make mistakes on their own and nurture them. And when we talk about respect, it not a mutual thing. It just means the young adult has to swallow everything, the insults, the dismissive tone, the embarrassment and this doesn't teach respect it just teaches silence that turns to to resentment and then parents wonder why kids grow up to be distant from them. When does it stop being discipline and start becoming taking control from these kids
Respecting autonomy doesn’t mean abandoning young people. It is giving them the chance to ask why without guilt, letting them make decisions on their own with your advice and guidance not making it for them, allow them to choose, make mistakes and find out the consequences by themselves, so that when it's time to stand alone they won't be overwhelmed.
The obsession with control says more about adult insecurity than young adult capability. And until that’s confronted, autonomy will continue to be treated not as a right, but as something that must be constantly earned, revoked, and negotiated.
It's Still Abeegail ✨💗
A Young Adult.
Thank you for reading.
The image is mine.