Over the course of eight months I have come to realize something about myself. The serenity of being alone has its alure in keeping my mind sane, I am not boasting here I really mean it. I have found peace while the storm does rage inside and sometimes outside of me. I have managed to keep myself calm through out the darkest of times and kept the demons at bay, I have however developed into a drinker but I have also found a light at the end of this tunnel where I am now somewhat able to keep my liquid friends from a distance where they no longer keep me from getting my body and soul into a state where I can move forward.
I have made a decision as I have outlined in the last two months of my posts to stay here in the Philippines to pursue whatever life throws my way, I will be going back to Australia in two months time to square away what I have left there. My kids will stay there without me, I am freaking out about this also in the last two weeks it has felt like I am about to break down and really destroy myself but at the very least while this is raging in me I have found solace away from drinking alcohol.
It has not been easy as my body does crave for it but I think at the same token my getting really sick in the last two months has given me the mental impetus to take a step back away from drinking heavily and consistently, I have not stopped however that is something I think I will always keep for myself just in case I want to have a good time being inebriated . There is a since of fun that drinking does give me. I have also found fun being by myself all sober and hectic. I can sense my mind racing so hard at times in the last three weeks I think sometimes there is a purpose to have a moderated amount of alcohol in the system just to numb the craziness in me.
Of course like all things it is a double edge sword waiting to unload on anything ad everything. I had a run in with a guy last night while I was paying for my dinner in a local diner in Toledo. Fucker ignored the fact I was standing there patiently waiting for my turn to pay and I could tell he purposely did not look my way and just spoke to the lady handling the till. I poked him with my umbrella, gently but firmly, so he became aware of me and we had a little vocal jousting, shouting. He then looked me straight in the eye and said do not touch me ever again, I stared back at him hoping he was going to do something further, I know he threatened me because he said somethin along the lines of "we are but transitory here" I tilted my head at hm to see if he wanted to follow up with the threat right there and then, I had my peripheral looking over him to see if he had a weapon, all's I could tell was a fat gut and some sort of government shirt he wore. Probably bullies people around since he was acting like he had some kind of authority. Idiot does not know who I am and who I personally and familiarly know in the local city.
Of course I took a mental photo of his fat arse in case I see him again.
That I think has been the only incident I have had where something along the lines of getting close to something serious since the time I have arrived here eight months ago.
How where does this lead me in the future, well frankly I have no idea even if I have made plans and all that I have no idea com what may in the next few years ahead of me. I have to leave my work, I gave that department 20 years of service. Twenty years and I get a piece of paper telling me I worked there for twenty years, friend will be getting a Rolex.
Oh well I am thankful for the memories and the skill I have acquired along the way and the friends I will be leaving behind. Transitory indeed. I am that for sure. This terrifies me but also frees me into something I have not thought of ever. Surprising me at this very moment as I write this paragraph. I will end this with a thought of what did I find negative in the last few days, I blew off at someone and they did not even strike back at me while it was all fresh, disappointing in that the coward will most likely get back at me when I am not looking or they are with their friends and I am all alone, I don't mind since I will just embrace it as a learning experience.
Till next time.
Laters.
Thanks for your time
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Oh, what value will this post give to Hive, how about my personal value I give to this platform in allowing me to store mhy thoughts and at the same time own this since that is what blockchain is all about. Only I can, right?
Maybe.
Anyway, laters again.