The desolation set in like pain in an injured muscle cooling down slowly. It hit me hours after leaving the doctors rooms. A final end to the child's narcissistic dream of being indestructible.
What the doctor said shook my very foundation. What she said amounted to the same thing whatever angle I looked from. I'll probably still live to be very old. Only, it will take work and self care. And permanent medication.We'll see about that.
I'm still young. Too young for this.
I can't see myself with a bedside table stacked with pills and tablets. It's not going to happen.
In the hours after speaking to the doctor I felt totally lost and so alone. I could have been the only person on the planet for those long dragging moments. Even Lané disappeared into the shadows. It sat on me like the aftermath of a traumatic event.
I couldn't make this the rest of my life. I started fighting to get focused and move forward. In everything you can find something good.
I started taking stock. This meant that I had to make some lifestyle changes. My body are mow forcing me to make the lifestyle changes I should have made a long time ago.
Keeping fit, meditating and surrounding myself with positive energetic people are now a must. Just like losing the habits that brought me to this point in my life.
The decision to do start planning and executing this pulled me out of the hole I was in. It also brought a new realization. Everyone should have something to look forward to.
I called something to mind. A bucket list kind of thing. A year or two ago I decided doing a real professional photo shoot would be fun. One with me in front of the camera. By next summer the fitness program will have paid off and I should have a body that won't have me regret the pictures.
It should be memorable though.
I am going to do a very daring thing. I am going to ask Sarah Norscia to join me on the shoot. Now that will be a memorable shoot.
I hijacked this picture from her The Boss Babe profile.
I haven't asked her to do the shoot yet, so please don't tell. I still working on finding the courage to do so.
Why Sarah, you ask. It's not only about looks. I can find tonnes of absolutely great looking fitness models locally.
Whenever I meet or work with someone, I meet a person.
Sarah has the discipline to maintain a fitness model body. Not only that, she values family, loves animals and walks on the beach without shoes.
Now that I s a person I would like to be friends with. And I'll look great on those pictures.
So by next summer I will ask Sarah to do the shoot. Instead of sulking I will create something memorable.
All of that got me out of feeling terribly lost and alone.
It's knowing I can die that keeps me alive.
Thank you for reading my post. I appreciate your support.