First Rant For 2023: My Invalid Feelings.

The first week of the new year seems to go so fast, maybe or not. I have been expecting this time to fly. Also, I am excited about it. When Jiji said, “Enjoy The remaining time to blog,” it hit me so much. I have been inactive here for days; been busy with everything in life. And January 23, 2023, will be the first day of resuming classes here. I am scanning some books related to the units and subjects I will be aligned with. Two years of no school wasn’t a joke, and there will be changes and adaptations. Lucky me, I have been exposed to writing and reading for the past two years, so I can quickly acclimate myself to the incoming environment. I won't be left behind that, for sure.

As 2023 indeed lot of thoughts and runs come through my head. Early this morning, December 10, 2023. I realized that my hands had a lot of scars, bitten by a rabbit and some careless action, I shall add. There was healed and waiting for it will wholly go and another one that was just marked, and a fresh one from last night.

If no one had asked me “what happened,” maybe I didn’t have seen the wound myself

Part of my adulthood and getting ready for my life are my invalid feelings. Sometimes we feel our feelings become weak to others and, worse, even ourselves. We think of other feelings instead, not our thoughts and expectations. We were afraid that other people would reject us and that we disappoint them. It is better to be disappointed inside instead of in the face of other people. Sadly true and a reality in the world where I lived.

Is this part of Adolescence and adulthood? Thinking and getting that, my thoughts seemed invalid. Part of development and transition? So maybe it a normal; a lot of people the same gender or age as mine were experiencing this kind of abrupt transition of thoughts and feelings. Is it every day, as I am still in the stage of development? Or maybe not.

Part of me thinks it a scientific and measurable by the experience of some. Maybe hidden principles then, or me, who’s overthinking? I don’t know. But the thing that I know is not only my feelings invalid; hiding is the fact that others thought also invalid within my side. I heard a lot of things, some negatives about me. Then adulthood may be ignored those, but I could still smile at them; knowing they were talks negative on my broad back shoulder gave me the thought that their thoughts were invalid within me.

Early adulthood plays like the real game in our life, the real battle of experience. If we think that at this age we have the full potential to understand everything, I think it's not true. The natural side is that when generations like me experience the same as devaluing my feelings, subtracting themselves from others, and thinking alone and potentially no one I could trust. Somehow causes a lot of pain to me, but in the east, that pain, I believe that it was a normal process. It's the same thing for others, so I am not alone. I am not the only one who experiences the same thoughts.

These last few days, I caged myself from other people virtually, and in real life, I just minded my own business and plans. The same thing happened when I saw my feelings were invalid to other people, then I followed myself. Maybe I am not that easy to be understand for my actions, but I am sure I know them so far. That’s how smart people do.

Maybe still an excellent decision to avoid those who disvalue my feelings, plans, and thoughts. They are just making me unattended in my dreams and self. I am still interacting with them daily, expecting I could still have them within my range sights.

Yeah, the first month of 2023 gives me a headache because of the people who disvalue my emotions and feelings. I tell you guys, sometimes it is so tiring to act like a man, for we should not show any weakness to others, but the real thing is it becomes a reason for others not minding if they hurt our feelings. Good luck to them. Shall I focus on myself, not on those kinds.