Who wouldn’t love the idea of doing nothing but getting paid? In fact, for a lot of people this is their dream job, to do nothing and get paid. Some even went to lengths to create a situation where they do nothing but still get paid.

Do any of you want to do that?

To be honest, I find that a bit abhorrent. I don’t know about you, the concept of doing nothing and still getting paid doesn't sit with me quite well. Yet interestingly, I find myself to be in that situation.

I guess when I was still depressed, that would feel like a paradise, you don’t have to get out of bed all day and still get paid. Your rent is paid, your food is provided for, all of your basic life sustenance is paid for and even your travels and occasional outings are paid for. You just have to be comfortable with doing nothing all day and you’d get full payment for the things you do.

In some twisted world, the idea of doing nothing sickens me.

I’ve done nothing for so long that I've used up all of my down time. I hate to be sitting still, to wait in-between, but this is the job I have to do now.

At this point, I no longer feel bitter for those who do nothing and get paid, maybe that’s what they love and are comfortable with.Even if they scoff at “ that’s just dumb to work so hard and earn so little”, it wouldn’t bother me anymore.

Today, I am back in Java where it’s “home” but not quite home. I wrote that back when I was still traveling around Papua and I had nothing to do there.

Back in Java, I finally found what I wanted for constant work and dozens of paperworks await. I am hired as both an assistant surveyor but also a computer operator. So, I am dealing with fixing documents, finding documents and even inputting data.

Unlike what I thought it would be, I find myself feeling a quiet ache. It’s that feeling I felt when I was talking to my own family and sister in law who couldn’t see how good they had it. They had everything provided for and I felt so heavy around them that they just couldn’t feel grateful for the life they had.

Everyday, I am seeing my friends, colleagues and acquaintances struggling to find jobs, to pay rent, to even dream of owning a house.

My siblings have it all, more than what people their age could afford. A car, house, a job, investments. Yet they felt like something was still missing from their lives.

Interacting with them made me break down in tears, not because I felt weak but I felt sorry for them. They’re so blind to how good they have it. My mom worked really hard for them to provide the best for them but they take it all for granted.

I was never included in it. I am sure people who have read to me how I struggled a lot in life and those friends who know me, I survived the worst of the worst.

So, I would love to scream at their faces to tell them that they should be grateful. But I am at the point of just silently screaming because I haven’t reached my own goal yet.

Now, I am reminded why I hate getting caught up in a family business. Most of my siblings have 0 survival instincts as they’re all often fed with money, connection, and have their lives provided for. I am not saying that they’re not struggling but compared to the extreme, they’re still doing better than most. Most people dreamed of having the connections and privileges they had.

If they really had the ambition in them, they could have easily become a mayor of a city with my mother’s connection or even a senator. But they’re the types who enjoy doing nothing and get money somehow.

I don’t know if I am going to assume a different role in the future but as I am easing into this business, I could see myself in it for the next 10 years. It’s a fun job where we get to travel all around the country and work for 5-6 months to make enough money for the entire year and travel around.

You could say I am the unruly child of the family. I left all the privileges, connection, and all the comfortable idea of being fed by my mother to have an adventure of my own. Some of my friends are sort of surprised when I suddenly ease into this family business and that I have this set of family that’s well-educated and well-connected too.
For me, I assume a different role where I was the breadwinner for my adoptive family and parents. I grew up so differently than the rest of my family which made me able to see how messed up their worlds are.

Once I told part of my life’s experience to some of my mother’s trusted staffs, he told me;

“ Just join the family business again, work with your mom, start from 0 again and you’ll find what you’re looking for. You’re still young”

Everyone assumed that since I am one of her children, I was also supplied by her money. But now they know, for many years since I left, I was scrambling for pennies, working even harder to make ends meet without any connection and their help.

So it was why I broke down in tears hearing all my siblings and even my sister in law talking as if their life was hard and that they don’t have enough money yet to buy another piece of land.

They don’t know what hard work is or even not knowing what it was like to starve. They never had to starve.

It gets me quite emotional remembering it and maybe I am the stupid one for leaving the family business years ago. Or maybe those years shaped me to who I am today that I am mentally prepared to work for this job that requires a lot of adaptability, talking to people, and even constant travel that if you’re not used to it will wear you down faster. So, I’d like to think of the second one.

This job really requires me to travel at a moments' notice and while it’s all fun and games, the challenge lies in the interaction between me and my own family 😂 and I am sure I’ll have plenty to talk about here. But my goal is to avoid them as much as I can while I get my bag.

I would love to go back where I could reinvest to this place through this job and my future business.

That’s all for now and I still have so many travel drafts I haven’t really put it out yet. For now, this was the view I saw from Timika, Papua and the little islands around Kepulauan Aru, Indonesia from thousands feet above the ground.