For about 2 weeks, my desk has been extremely cluttered. I got books, receipts, all sorts of things on my desk. It’s like I checked out from life and didn’t really care anymore. Just as you see below!

Usually with such clutter around me, there is something bothering my mind. Even the last couple of days, I felt like I had too much information but it was difficult to articulate them. In the past, it would take me months as I quietly slipped into a depressed state. But I am no longer the same, so I asked my mother a bit of help. We eventually cleaned my space and voila! I could think a lot clearer. If you’re familiar with Jordan Peterson saying about a cluttered space, he’s right.

Once my desk and my surroundings were clean, I started to sort out what I needed to do. Unlike before, I keep going in and out of the house without any actual plans. I was pretty much overwhelmed with a lot of things that I shouldn’t be. I mean, the society is fucked and we just have to live in it., while our lives go on and our community stays. The same goes with our responsibility and our obligations all around. Nothing changes despite the world being burned to the ground.

Letting myself drift these past 2 weeks has had its consequences. For instance, I lost that sense of rhythm in life that I uphold. I guess the struggle for me now has been being consistent and upholding boundaries. Have you ever been in this situation where you’re doing tug of war with yourself?

Anyway, for the past 2 weeks, I was still influenced by the unrest, some family obligations, and some other things that really took control of me. In my day to day life, I practically have no reason to go out but I keep finding silly reasons to do it. Maybe a walk there, a walk here, just random things that I kept finding myself checking out to do.

In another turn of events, last night my mother and I went for dinner in one of the city’s latest hotspots. They served skewered meat with a background of the city’s famous landmark. While I was there, I met a little boy about 10, carrying some snacks that he sells. He came up to our table and offered the snacks for $0.90. We bought it because we actually want it.

Some other patrons interviewed him and wondered if he went to school.

What made me wonder, if he were in an advanced society, would he still be working like that? He doesn’t have a choice unlike some kids his age that selling something is an option for them.

Seeing his grit, I was moved. Here I am, twenty something years old with so much pride and ego. I don’t think I would have the same bravery to go around carrying and selling snacks. I reflected how I’ve been pretty much finding excuses to be productive just because I feared something. The boy made me realize that I’ve been taking my blessings for granted & something recurrent in my life that I’ve been feeling guilty of. For now, I am reframing the way I think that I am grateful to be given chances to reset, realign and do something different.

It was that switch once again that reminded me to work hard.

It’s easy to be lazy these days. It’s easy to let time slip and use it for things that don't really have meaning or improve our lives. We’re bombarded with plenty of distractions at our fingertips. Not just from social media but our family, friends, and our surroundings can be a distraction on its own. Everyone is asking for our attention and somehow, we could easily fall into learned laziness.

I could only wish for that boy to actually be a great person in the future. Not a lot of us are willing to do what he did and especially kids around his age should still play around but he had to go around selling snacks. Sometimes, it’s great to have these reminders that we could be very blessed and fortunate in life. As we tend to get caught up in worries and magnifying our problems.

Recently, the idea of compound interest got to me. It’s a simple concept and has been talked about by many. The idea is very simple, you’re doing one or two things consistently over time and you’ll eventually improve. I am sure you have heard of it and even for me too, people talk to me about it all the damn time but I only understood it recently.

I eventually learned not to burn myself out. I enjoy doing things in moderation, consistently over time to get where I need to be. Even if it’s going to take a while and with so many twists and turns, I’ll be a lot more patient about it. And more importantly, I am forever grateful to be still living and having the chance to be a better person.