It was a particularly wet and cold evening. The rain was heavy and almost continuous. And the foul smell of the pavement was cloaking the atmosphere. Majority of people would rather stay home than wandering in the unceasing cold rain. That was not the case with me. I forced my mom to go out with me that evening.
Earlier during the day, my mind was racing, and I ended up throwing a plate. It broke into fine pieces that were quite difficult to clean. I found it strange that I started expressing my frustration into throwing things around. I thought I left it behind. But it was still there. Why did I do that? I have no clue at all. And there was only perhaps.
Perhaps, I was frustrated because I could not work 16 hours a day when I desperately need more money.
Perhaps, I was frustrated with my current life where things don't seem to go the way I expected it to be.
Perhaps, I was highly frustrated because my family expected me to finish something that I thought I burned.
I felt a surging wave of excitement whenever there's news about my school. I thought that was done and done. But, I still wanted to rebuild my dreams from the remains once more. Maybe I can eventually finish it, and I can try switching into a more scientific discipline. Maybe.
About 30 minutes before my mom came home from work, I sob quietly. It continued just until my mom opened the door. She was smiling and standing while grabbing a bag of tofu crackers. " Hey, here's the tofu cracker, whatcha been doing?" she asked.
She handed me the cracker, and I burst into an intense sob. It was gut-wrenching sobs that made my heart ache and left my mom wondering. My mom became worried. " What's happening?" " why?"
I don't know. I don't know.
And I repeated it until she heard enough.
" Let's just go outside" I demanded.
" Alright"
We went out to the supermarket to get my coffee and the coffee filter. On the way there we took an uber service, but we decided to walk in that cold evening after from the supermarket.
Only a few cars were passing by the main road of the city. We were the only pedestrian walking through the empty shops. But our walk got interesting when we passed by the jewellery shops. In the morning, the area is quite busy and guarded. But as the sky gets darker, the place is filled with people selling bamboo mat. In that dark and cold night, they wrapped themselves like sushi with their bamboo mat.
But what got more interesting when we walk through a wet and muddy pavement. My mom and I saw a person laying on the pavement without a mat. The only protection was his clothes and a hat. The man lied there while covering his face with a hat and seemed to sleep soundly.
" Watch out mom!" I pulled my mom's hand because she almost accidentally splashed dirty water on that man's direction. That moment, nothing struck me, but I pitied that person.
When I got home, my mom asked me, " so what happened?"
" I don't know. But maybe I forgot how to be grateful. Though our house isn't the most luxurious out there, It's not that bad either and protects us from the cold and the sun. Though I don't make much money, I can still decently afford things I wanted. I traveled around quite a bit for people my age. "
" I know it sounds like I tried to invalidate my problems. But I am aware; I can only move forward in life. Just like you said, when you want to achieve success, look higher when you want to be grateful, look down. There's always going to be someone who has more than me and someone who has fewer things than me. " I added.
That night cheered me up a little bit before I got irritated again the next day. Opening my laptop and interacting with people were chores. I could not deal with people until I took the weekend off being busy with offline and physical activities. I was happy again when I heard doge mooned because I bought cheap last year. Then, also I was upset because so-and-so said something and annoyed the hell out of me. In the end, happiness is a fleeting moment.
