Yesterday, we had our awarding for the dean's listers, and fortunately, I was ranked first in our program. At first, I was happy about it because it was such a shocker for me because last semester I was ranked just in third, so I never expected that I would reach that spot this semester. However, as soon as I got to understand what it truly means to be at that spot now, it dawned on me that it could be really detrimental to my health. One of my mantras when I entered college was "work smart, stress less" because I didnโt wanna experience the hellish consequences of triggering my body. So, when I realized what being in that spot really meant, I somehow wished I had laid low.
I definitely donโt like being the center of attraction, so when I was called on stage, I almost cringed at the sight of people gawking at me, and some didnโt just gawk absentmindedly; you could really see they were judging. Of course, I knew it because I do that too. Plus, some looked at me like theyโre out to get me one of these days, and it didnโt help how some of my classmates keep mentioning the ranking. Iโll be lying if I say Iโm not pressured with that because I do feel like Iโm compelled to keep it. Iโm anxious and really conflicted on how to handle this pressure, so I just rant now because maybeโฆjust maybe, itโll be lessen a little this time.
All of the pictures used are mine.