We don't ever really know, what other people are going through. Some are pretty good at putting on a happy face, to hide whatever they are struggling with. Well Mist actually. It's funny how we put ourselves in positions where we end up isolating ourselves, when we actually need help the most.
I think it is an natural reaction or reflex even, where we need to just hide away, when we are suffering. That's what most animals do. But not only when suffering, but also when we go through different rites of passage. Moving into the next stage of our lives.
I was begining to feel better yesterday, it felt like my energy was returning. So I planned to go into town today, to get some supplies and to catch up with a friend yo take about a project he started.
So I got up earlier, went and got some water and then made my smoothie. As I sat down outside to drink it, I felt exhausted. Knowing the day was also only going to get hotter, I made the decision to stay at home, as my body clearly needs more rest.
My tummy is still not happy, so I really don't want to push things. I know that I am resolving a lot right now and I need to give myself time. I have felt, that in the last few days, I have been pulling up the deep roots if my trauma and my grief.
With it, I have gained more awareness, more understanding. Still struggling a little with the self worth one. But damn, that's a popular one for many of us.
How we have been beaten down, almost from the onset, but finally we get to rise back up. Its not all pretty though, let me tell you that. You got to put your big boots on. And begin to deal with your shit, maybe shit is not the best word, but you know what I mean.
Thats what most adults are dealing g with right now, either flowing with it, facing their fears or turning against themselves and looking the other way. Each has it's own struggles, but one is far more rewarding.
So I stayed home, rested, even slept a little, as my girls were playing with some friends. I just feel so tired, it didn't help that it was in the high 30's either. I could just lay in bed, thrifting in and out of sleep, with the sweat dripping off me.
Dreaming of the rain.
I want to focus on this time, but I also don't want to feed into it either. Lose myself in it. So I'll let my physical body guide me, when my energy rises more, I will become more active. For now, I surrender to this process.
